Rockets, Swords, & Shields..

My mentors abide..

2011-12-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

Last week, I mentioned – for probably the millionth time – how inspiring I find my best friend’s mother, Teresa. I realized that I haven’t really ever fully given credit to those who are my examples to follow. First, there’s the aforementioned Teresa Corbin, mother to Shaina and Matt, wife to BC, a very close friend of mine, Miki – who is one of the most amazing women of my generation, bar none, and my own mother, for obvious reasons. They’re amazing beautiful women, all. And – in the spirit of Christmas, I write my thanks to them here, and explain how they have inspired me and what lessons I have learned from them.

I’m going to write in reverse order from the list above, so to start with – my mother, the woman who was my first example for this job. My Mom has been through a lot, and goodness knows we definitely haven’t given her an easy road in parenting. Myself specifically through her and my dad for some very large loops about 10 years ago (wow! It’s really been that long?!). However, she has never stopped giving. Never stopped trying to set a good example for us, and she’s never – not once – ceased to put every single ounce of herself into being a mother to myself and my 5 sisters. Even now, the two youngest still just on their way into high school, she works hard to make sure they know how to function as young girls with values and respect for themselves. My mother taught me self-reliance. My mother taught me independence, and she taught me that family is more important than anything. She taught me that it’s truly better to give than to receive, and that if it is at all possible to help someone in need then it’s your job to do it. She showed me that sacrifice is how we learn to appreciate our lives and family, and that helping others is never out of the realm of possibility. Being a servant is the best thing you could ever be. My mom showed me the dedication and work that goes into being a stay-at-home mom. She also instilled in me the confidence to know that I can choose to be a working mom or a stay-at-home mom and succeed either way as a wonderful parent. Neither are easy, but both will fill your heart.

Miki is a girl I met while working at the bookstore back home. She is a single mom who, since I met her, has received a BA as well as a Master’s and started her career working as a Librarian for Alachua County – all the while raising one of the most perfect children I’ve ever had the great privilege of knowing. Riley is single handedly one of the most creative, independent, and intelligent girls I will ever know – and she has been such since I’ve known her when she was 2 years old. Miki has shown me patience like I’ve never known. She’s taught me how to embrace your child’s creativity, how to allow them individualism, without finding a spoiled brat at the end of the day hearing yes to everything. Riley knows the word ‘no’. She understands it and respects it. Miki treats Riley with respect, and gets it in return. She explains things to her rather than using platitudes. Conversations instead of orders. It should also be noted, I’ve never seen a parent get truer enjoyment from playing with their child than watching these two together. Miki embraces arts and crafts with her daughter like there is nothing better in this life to experience (and I can vouch, personally – there isn’t really). Miki has taught me not only how to be a parent, but how to be my child’s friend without losing their respect. She has shown me how to get every ounce of enjoyment from a child’s beauty and personality and how to know the person you’re raising without hovering.

Lastly, Teresa is the mother of my best friend of almost 14 years. I have had the privilege to know her children deeply and by extension her parenting as a basically adopted third child. Teresa trusts her children and has shown more fierce loyalty to them than I’ve ever seen in my life. She allows them to be adults (and has since we were young teens) within reason but always has held a presence in their life so that they have reciprocated and shared their lives with her when most kids prevalently pull away from their parents. I’ve watched both her daughter and her son rely on her and receive unfailing care. She is never too quick to criticize, though certainly has never shielded them from what they needed to hear. She encourages sports, literacy and art, exudes confidence and comfort, and works a full-time job to boot! Teresa has always been involved with her kids’ lives without having to pry. She knows them like the back of her hand and they know she’s always there for them beyond any doubt – let alone the confidence we have that she’s just as willing to be there for those of us who have become adopted members of the family. Teresa is as much a mother to me as my own, and in some ways has always held a spot in my heart just as big and important. She was there for me through some of the hardest moments of my life, and also more than ecstatically present for some of the happiest moments. She is so a part of my life, that in the same way that I regard her daughter as my son’s Aunt as truly as my own sisters – she is another of his Grandmothers. She always has made it clear that her house was open to me when I needed it – or simply when I wanted to come hang at Casa Corbin – and there have been ungodly amounts of times where she cooked me meals to fill my hungry tummy. One of the best moments of my early pregnancy last year (of which there were few, honestly) was going to spend time cuddling and watching movies with Shaina, and Teresa knowing how bad my morning sickness had been – made sure I had what I needed, but as soon as I mentioned I was hungry, happily set to cooking a full dinner for me to eat. Shaina and I have for a long time described each other as our female soulmate’s – and when I think of the saying ‘marry a girl and you marry her family,’ I realize how happy I am to know I have married the Corbin family and have this woman as my mother – real or not – for the rest of my life.

These women – and many others, trust me – have taught me, shaped me, and inspired me. I know that they have only made me better and I will be forever in awe of their abilities.

Merry Christmas, dear Void – thank you for the year you have given me, good and bad, the things I have learned are invaluable and I will always be grateful for it.

Creating my masterpiece..

2011-11-05T02:24:00.000-04:00

In college, I read My Name is Asher Lev for a class once. It’s this amazing and beautiful novel about a Jewish boy that – from the time he’s a toddler – has an affinity for art. Long story short – through the problems and the conflict between his passion and his culture, he becomes a painter. A very successful and brilliant painter. At one point in the story, the author (Chaim Potok) goes to painstaking efforts to explain how it feels for an artist to work so hard on a piece, and then to let it go. Basically how letting it go is letting go of part of your soul.

I did a little math the other day and figured something out. 24 hours a day, every day of the year for 18 years is 157,680 hours. Meanwhile, 40 hours a week, 52 weeks of the year for 18 years is 37,440 hours. That means by the time your child is 18, you’ve essentially been working 4 full-time jobs non-stop. Four. That’s twice as much as a lawyer working 60-70 hours a week. All the hours teaching, playing, rocking, “shh-ing”, healing and kissing boo-boos, building with blocks, singing songs, taking pictures, going on walks, spelling, learning to ride a bike, talking, eating, taking baths, going over homework, science fair projects, - and God knows that’s not more than 10% of what we spend our lives doing. All the worrying and planning - the sheer terror that is putting so much of yourself into this one goal – the hopes and working toward creating this person. Making your whole life the building of someone else’s life. All this – just so you can let them go. Let that huge, massive, complete and continental chunk of your soul…go out into the world, free to succeed or magnificently fail.

That’s what we’ve chosen. That’s the life I’ve chosen. And I’m grateful for it.

Before this year, I understood what being a parent was. I knew that my child would be amazing in my eyes and that I would think he hung the moon. What I didn’t know – or rather: comprehend – was how I truly, with every fiber/atom/neuron/thought in my being, would believe he’s the single most perfect thing I have ever done. I didn’t understand how despite going days without more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time, I would still lovingly rise from my bed to come and rock my child back to sleep. How when I hate him, I love him. And when he does even the infinitely smallest new thing, my heart soars. Stretch marks are battle scars, exhaustion is status quo. And it’s more wonderful than I really could have ever guessed.

_____

Updates: Owen had his First Halloween! He was a Baby Ewok – that’s right, my son was Wickett – we went to Boo at the Zoo on Sunday night and took a Trick or Treating Walk on Halloween. Enjoy the pictures, plus some bathtime fun and our trip to the Pumpkin Festival. : )

Big Steps & Thoughts..

2011-10-30T22:12:00.000-04:00

It is now the end of October - though I wrote this in mid-October...so another post will be more up to date with Halloween stuff in the next day or two. Read the rest of this as if it were posted around the 14th (since that's when I wrote it but forgot to actually publish the post.

Summer weather has left us, leaves are changing and the cool wind has returned to Cleveland. In September, I started my first job in over a year, working at a Toyota dealership. Along with my new beginning, Owen had one of his own, starting his attendance at a daycare full-time. This daycare, in my true and humble opinion, is an excellent place – classes only 6-8 kids and they move up to the next developmental class around every 6 months. Around 1 ½ to 2 years they start a curriculum, learning to sit in a circle, make various art projects, later progressing to learning shapes and colors around 2-2 1/2. Around 3 the classes start teaching French lessons as well as building on the letter and counting skills progressively all the way through a certified and fully functioning Kindergarten class. I’m really truly happy with this place and am so glad to have Owen there when he’s not with us.

Later in September we also had a weekend visit from Corey’s parents and we went to the RIPE! Festival at the Botanical Gardens here, enjoying the first tastes of Fall weather. It was great fun to see Owen spending time with Pat & Mike (Grandma & Grandpa) and watching him play with them.

Since October has begun, Owen has sprouted 3 more teeth, now totaling 5 – the three new teeth being all top teeth. : ) He looks positively adorable, but alas, has not let me catch a picture of the new “teefers” yet. Oh and also: Owen has started mumbling “ma ma” and “da da” sometimes. I don’t think he consciously recognizes what it means yet, but it’s there nonetheless. : )

Today, we went to our first protest – or rather, General Assembly. It was new for all three of us (Owen being kind of a given in this case) but it was great to meet people who were all standing up and protesting the way our country is going. Saying that what has happened is inexcusable, it shouldn’t be this hard to simply survive, and that a bought Congress serves no citizen well. I spoke with people who were Vietnam and WW2 Vets, women as old as their early 70’s and kids as young as 16, - all agreeing it should never have taken this turn, that the Government is wasting too much money and that the billionaires of our society are getting a far too biased treatment based off of political promises and favoritism. Things need to be altered. Money needs to exit political campaigns and politicians need to *work together* to find a REAL solution, rather than pouting, throwing tantrums, and being all-together unproductive when our society and many others who follow our example are crumbling beneath us. – Soapbox done (for this entry at least).

Halloween is coming, Owen’s costume is ordered and I’m working on my plans for mine as well – me thinks a pirate will be the decision, though I am not totally sure yet. We plan on going to Boo at the Zoo to celebrate and have fun and also Owen’s going to have a Halloween party at school the day of as well. : ) November will hold a trip to Baltimore for Veteran’s day, and a trip to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. Then Christmas will follow in Florida with an early birthday party for Owen that I also have to start planning (eek! I can’t believe it’s almost been a year already!!!). Many things to do and a severe lack of time to do them in. Hoping all is well with you, Dear Void. I am now off to play with my beautiful son, watching ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’. I’m incredibly excited to watch ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ with him later this month as well. Traditions in the making. : )

It's time for blankets, books, and the blues...

2011-09-03T15:35:00.000-04:00

Welcome to September, dear Void. This year is already 75% over and I feel completely contradictory in that, Owen has gotten so big (more developmentally than size to be honest - he is one mini little monkey) and there by time seems to be passing unbelievably quickly - but at the same time, time seems to be passing so soul-deadening slowly.

On the upside, things have been going well here for the last couple weeks. Our trip to Pittsburgh was absolutely amazing, celebrated Owen's first official hotel-stay vacation. We took Owen to his first baseball game, had a ton of fun cheering for the Pirates and enjoying them battle it out with the Reds. Then Saturday morning we went to the Strip District which is basically a huge street market along with businesses that are there all along which are always endlessly fun to visit. We went to Penzeys (my favorite spice store - it's a chain, but I weirdly only will shop at the one in Pittsburgh) bought some Cinnamon, Mulling Spices, Chili & Taco Seasonings, Pumpkin Pie spices, and some Florida Seasoned Pepper (it has a citrus taste - thus the Florida reference). I'm so excited to be able to use them throughout the coming months!

(My favorite building in Pittsburgh. All the most beautiful green tile - and it's for sale.)

(These are doubly special because they are recreating a picture of Corey & I from when we first started dating in this same spot on our first trip together for me to meet his parents, but they are also our first Family photos!!)

Saturday afternoon we went up the Duquesne Incline and enjoyed the view while also adding to Owen's pressed penny collection. We walked to the end of the street and looked over the beauty that is Pittsburgh from Mount Washington, hung out for about an hour and a half just talking and spending time with Tilghman & Whitney - oh and we took our first family pictures! : ) I also got some great pictures of Tilghman & Whitney with Owen which was awesome and much needed for Owen's ever-growing gallery wall. Saturday night we enjoyed a date night - our first since Owen was born - and had a truly wonderful dinner with Tilgh & Whit at the Melting Pot. It was so nice to have a nice dinner and fun times with friends! Also, Owen got curious and tried real apples for the first time, patiently gumming them into submission.

Sunday we had a short day so that everyone could get home early and not feel rushed back into Monday morning - which meant we were careful in deciding our final plans. We finally decided a ride on the Pittsburgh Fairyboat Tours was a perfect way to end the weekend and then closed the weekend with lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. While we were on the boat though, Owen had a ton of fun looking out over the water (his first boat ride!) and also met his first clown! I think at the end of the weekend, the only thought process for any of us is how badly we want to live closer to each other.

Corey and I have been having a lot of discussions with thoughts as to what we can do to start making moves forward in our life lately. Talking about how long we really should/want to wait before having our next baby, what I realistically need to do to make progress towards teaching (and eventually becoming that longed for position of Professor - and Dr...), and further plans for jobs/living/dreams/etc. The first two really being the substantial topics. The first was settled pretty simply by decided how far apart we were really okay with the kids being and also taking into account financial ability - end result: we are waiting for another year-year and a half so that Owen will have a sibling who is about 3 years younger than he is. The other topic has resulted in us making strides toward figuring out a way for me to get back into school. After looking over what it will take for me to become a teacher in this area of the country, I have about 2 years of post-baccalaureate work ahead of me before I get into a classroom. Basically I have to go through a teacher certification program - which will be fine and exciting for me to just be back in school. The time I have spent pining for education's presence in my life in the two years since graduation is rather ridiculous and I am happy to know I will soon be done with it. There are still some things to be done before that can take place, but at least I know it will be happening in the near future.

Happy thoughts all around here - and one more to boot: my dear friend, Amanda, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little boy this week named Levi!

And with that, I leave you. Good night.

(Did I mention we saw some of the new Batman movie being filmed on Saturday? Oh yeah - we did.)

Moving forward - at Warp Speed

2011-08-19T01:45:00.000-04:00

In the last 6 weeks – so much has happened. We started with going to Wisconsin for Corey’s best friend, Craig’s wedding to the lovely Debbie. They got married at the top of a ski slope and it was an incredibly beautiful day. After that, we made our way over to Austin, Minnesota where we spent 4^th of July and a week of visiting with Corey’s mom’s family – aka the Fitz’s. This was my first time meeting most of them as well as their first time meeting Owen so it was a fantastic visit.

this is a place in Sparta, Wisconsin which creates and builds fiberglass statues for various businesses - outside of their building, they have this: a statue mold graveyard.

Once we got home – like I mentioned in the last blog – we had to turn around and go to Florida. Aside from the reason, it was a nice visit home. Spending time with the family was a great thing – especially meeting my new niece and Owen’s first cousin: Bridget Marie, my little pea pod. : )

We came home on my sister, Kristi’s birthday but also Owen’s 6 month birthday. Spent the weekend with Owen’s godparents, Tilghman and Whitney – or as they’re more affectionately known: Uncle Tilly & Auntie Whitney – visiting us in Cleveland. Owen has been working on crawling, standing, sitting up and has become a baby food champion. He talks constantly and is always working on somehow getting into everything and moving around the room. In short, he’s endlessly fun these days.

Today we’re going to Pittsburgh to spend another weekend with Tilghman & Whitney and it’s going to be amazing. I love Pittsburgh and this is going to be our first time out and about in the real city area since 2007. I love it so much and am thrilled to spend more time with such great friends. Best of all: Owen is going to go to his first major league baseball game tonight! : ) Can’t wait to have an awesome weekend! I’ll be posting more often again hopefully, now that I have caught everything up. Have a happy weekend, dear Void.

Returning from the depths, once again...

2011-08-19T01:32:00.000-04:00

So I’ve been awol for an unforgivably long time, for which I apologize. We went on our planned trip at the beginning of July but then came home a week and a half later to find out that Owen and I had to make an emergency trip down to Florida for a family death. Once we got back from that Owen was in full force of starting to work on crawling, getting hardcore into starting to eat food and also working on standing. Along with that, the house was in a shambles, I was miserably behind on about a thousand things, and sadly the blog fell by the wayside while I have spent the last 3 weeks catching everything up.

Due to all of the craziness, before I post a real update, I will – as promised – post the last week of my gratitude challenge (which was, in fact, finished on time – just not posted).

Day 15: Take the time to focus on yourself. Appreciate and give thanks for your unique personality, skills and talents.

This day, I really thought of all the things about myself that I love. The main of which being my love of education and insatiable need to learn. Those skills and talents that jumped to mind were my love of photography and creativity with different art projects. I really enjoyed taking a moment to tell myself what I’m good at and what’s great about me – especially focusing on non-physical characteristics.

Day 16: Stand in front of the mirror for five minutes and focus on at least five things that you love about yourself. Write them down in your journal.

1. My hair. No matter the color – which certainly has varied over the years.

2. My eyes.

3. My tattoos.

4. My feet.

5. My c-section scar. I both love and hate this scar. It makes me self-conscious more than anything ever has before, and I hate how it looks – but at the same time, it is quite literally my battle scar from becoming a mother. And because of that, I will love it forever.

Day 17: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

My sister Brittany. Not just Brittany, all of my sisters: Jennie, Kristi, Courtney, & Hayley also fill huge holes in my life and in my heart. Each of them is individually amazing and mean so much to me. But Brittany. Brittany is not only my sister, she’s my best friend. For the two of us, it’s like we share a soul and when I’m apart from her I never feel completely whole until she’s nearby again. She offers a presence in my life that I will always be grateful for, because if it weren’t for her I would never ever feel like a complete person.

Day 18: For the past three days, you have focused on appreciating what makes you unique. Write about all the things that make you so loveable. Take a moment to appreciate your personal style, talents and charm.

Well, I mean – I am pretty adorably witty. : ) I am fiercely loyal and will always defend those I love and do anything humanly possible to help them. I am pretty sarcastic, though – but I find that most of my closest friends and my husband love me most because of that sarcasm and deadpan sense of humor. Let alone the obvious romantically cute and cuddly side of me – which truly does exist, all sarcastic silliness aside.

Day 19: Have confidence in all the choices you have made today and be grateful for being able to believe in yourself.

I honestly don’t know what to write today, but I have in fact been embracing what this says. That’s all I can really say..

Day 20: As the challenge winds down, write a thank you note to yourself. Thank yourself for taking the time to stop and focus on all the little things for which you feel grateful.

Well here we go – thank you. Thank you for taking this chance to work on changing the way you see things. Becoming less pessimistic. Doing this for yourself and no one else and thereby – taking a break from Mommyhood and enjoying the fact that you are still you. Thanks for that most of all.

Day 21: Reflect on the 21 days of The Gratitude Challenge and what this process has meant to you.

The last three weeks have been amazing. I covered it in my thank you note mostly – but needless to say/be redundant, this has done a lot for my overall mood and perspective. I appreciate it and so does Corey.

So, goodbye Challenge. Thanks for all you did.

Now for another blog on updates.

"...It brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. "

2011-06-30T18:28:00.000-04:00

Here we are, finishing the second week of the challenge. Only one left? Wow! I will say it is easier to consolidate what I wrote/did into incremental entries rather than trying to write a full thing every day. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Day 10: Pick one of your five senses to focus on each day. Take note of how many gifts come to you via that single part of entry. Write about this experience.

So I did this for a couple days, focusing on my sight, hearing, and sense of smell. And it was wonderful.

The first day was focused on hearing and I adored paying closer attention to the sound of Corey’s voice, and Owen’s coos and laughs. I listened to the rain, and to the birds that come to our porch through my bribes of birdseed. The sound of the wind in the trees outside relaxed me and gave me an appreciation for summer I haven’t felt since I was a kid.

The second day I focused on my sight – feeling especially thankful for how much I still love and appreciate being able to see Corey physically in front of me every day, as compared to the many years of long distance and missing his physical presence in my life. I took a walk and looked at gorgeous flowers and plants blooming all over the place in the neighborhoods near our house, and watched Owen as he intently looked around learning constantly about new things that will one day become normal and virtually unnoticed. I watched him look back at me, recognize me and smile his cute new-toothy smile. I looked at my books and the book I’m currently reading, obscenely grateful for my ability to experience one of the greatest loves of my life – literature – and being able to enjoy their company, and the sense of home they give me.

The last day, I was paying attention to my sense of smell and took note of the great smells of what I was cooking (particularly a BBQ Chicken & Provolone Grilled Cheese I invented). The smell of Corey’s cologne that I have always loved – remembering that when we were apart I grew emotionally attached to the smell as it would be embedded in my clothes when I would come home from visiting him, and it would make me feel as though he weren’t so far away. The smell of Owen’s newly washed hair – to quote Gilmore Girls, “She was the most beautiful pink all over. She even smelled pink. That sounds weird. I can't describe it - that little, pink, baby smell. The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out... I was someone new. She had me.” – That’s exactly what goes through my head whenever I look at him, smell his hair or skin, or hear him make some adorably cute new sound.

Day 11: Try to see the world through the eyes of a child. Think about the things you take for granted on a daily basis, and then express gratitude for everything down to the basic necessities that sustain your current life.

Rather than write a long thing here, I wrote a list of the things that I appreciate & particularly loved as a kid – and how amazing they still are – even though they somehow get taken for granted as we get older.

Magic markers, Freshly cut grass, Swimming pools, Stickers, Watercolors & Finger paints, Apples, Cheese, Soft Blankets, Bubbles, Strawberries, Oranges, Cool Whip, Cinnamon Sugar on Toast, Waffles with Syrup, Flowers, Birds, Rain, Thunder, Dandelion puffs, Butterflies, Chipmunks

That’s my list. Consider each one, and you’ll remember how amazing they were to you as a kid.

Day 12: Today, make the effort to live life with a positive outlook. Restrain from criticizing the people around you. Dare to see the glass half full. Listen more than you speak. Give freely of yourself. Practice kindness at every opportunity.

The hard part of this one was seeing the glass half full and to restrain from criticizing – which I altered to include sarcastic remarks, my weakness & default in communication. I have been doing better though and decided to keep making this effort every day through the rest of the challenge (and beyond?). I do notice though that so far in the challenge I really have been feeling more generally happy and appreciative of my life and circumstances. It’s a great change that’s happening.

Day 13: Pick three friends or family members you see regularly. View their actions and gestures through a positive lens, assuming their goodness and witnessing their best intentions.

Since the only people I see are Corey and Owen, I mended this to include friends and family I talk to regularly. Which I chose to be my friend Shaina, my sister Brittany, and my sister Kristi (who the day before this, on day 12, gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl named Bridget Marie). I was confused by this post, since I feel like I always do this with them but none the less I made a point to do it, and I feel like my positive attitude towards them was reflected in our conversation and just made the whole experience more positive – though with Kristi, that could easily be credited to that gorgeous new wee babe. : )

Day 14: It’s been two weeks since you started The Gratitude Challenge. Write about how The Challenge has changed your perspective thus far.

I kind of talked about this in the day 12 entry, but I’ll write a bit more about it today. Since starting this challenge two weeks ago, my perspective regarding my unemployment situation and how my life is going has completely changed. I have gone from frustration and fear to be completely excited and working on trying to find new opportunities and new paths for myself. It has led to some new projects and possibly new life avenues, though that is for another day when things have progressed a bit more. I have realized how what I had always thought was the basic plan for my life (and really, what we all grow up with) is not necessarily how my life is going to go – or should go. This openness in my life is an opportunity, and I plan to take full advantage of it. I’m getting the chance to invent an entirely new existence for myself, which I feel like few people do – or they just don’t have the courage to take part in it.

So with that, we are up to date and I will be writing the next entry either from Wisconsin or Minnesota. We are driving to WI for a close friend’s wedding (I’ll post a picture or two on the next blog) and then going onto Minnesota to have a week long vacation with Corey’s family, where I will meet most of them and they will ALL meet Owen. : ) Happy Fourth of July, Dear Void.

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears”

2011-06-25T23:51:00.001-04:00

So, I haven't posted simply because the last few days haven't really been assignments that involve much writing. I'll post them so you know what I mean and the blog continues its fluidity though:

Day 6: Take a few minutes to call someone you haven't talked to in a while. Tell them how much you appreciate them.

Day 7: Take a picture of one thing, person, place, or specific moment that makes you feel grateful. Share it with your social network.

Day 8: Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.

Laurel Sherer, Brittany Lovvorn, Miki Wolfe, Teresa Corbin, and Anita Simoneaux --- you've got mail comin' your way. : )

Day 9: Enjoy the people around you. Take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities.

The people around me are Owen & Corey. While I most definitely did take many moments today to think about them as we spent time together on such a beautiful Saturday, I'm going to skip writing anything as I have written a lot about them in the last couple entries and I fear redundancy.

So those are the last few days, I've looked ahead though and the next few days each offer opportunities to write. And it should be noted that each of these weeks has a theme, the first having been "Being Grateful for What You Have" and as of Day 8, the second week's theme started with the focus "Be Grateful for Everything Around You".

That being said, have a lovely Saturday night and enjoy your Sunday - I certainly will be.

"..Our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow.."

2011-06-21T23:57:00.001-04:00

Day 4: Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.

Well, this shouldn’t be too complicated for me to do. While I’m currently working to avoid thinking about things negatively, I certainly don’t need to be asked twice to write off what those things are. The biggest being the whole unemployment scenario – which, I know, is probably a bit of a broken record topic at this point but none the less, I’m told to write about negative things in my life and that’s the main thing these days.

The reasons for why I consider unemployment are negative, are obvious, and well versed on this blog already. However, the reasons for why it is positive haven’t really been discussed to my knowledge, so here I will say that I am thankful for not having to work right now because of the following:

First and foremost, I am getting to enjoy a gift that most women I know are not able to take part in, and that is being a stay at home mom. Sure it may be temporary, but if there was any time I could choose to be at home for Owen’s life – this would be it. Every day, it seems, there is something new happening or a big change coming – he is constantly learning and growing in new ways that I feel completely privileged to be able to witness. I know that this is time I will never get back and that I will forever cherish being home with him so there is a silver lining to this cloud.

Secondly, not having to work right now is allowing me to get some plans and research done for things that had always been far off dreams. Giving me the chance to figure out how – and when – to make them a reality, which may not have been possible if I had to juggle working 40-50 hours a week along with being a mom to an infant. The brain power just wouldn’t be present at the end of the day to think about how to open a bookstore eventually, the cost, business plan, and etcetera. Or actually realizing that I should do more than just toss around vague general statements of how I should or will “one day” write a book – and now, instead of not knowing what I would ever write about (should I finally have the inclination), I have realized two books that are in me to write, if not more. I have taken note of my heroes and what they have taught me, I have pondered things that need to be fixed in our society – and ways that I could start working to help bring a solution about.

Lastly, I have gotten the time to really know myself. My identity is not a mystery, nor a monster in the shadows. I know the good and the bad about myself, and am okay with it. Rather than plowing into a career mindlessly with the expectation that one day I will know who I am and be happy/successful/blah, blah, blah – I know who I am now, I am happy now, I am successful now. Albeit in a different way than was originally planned – but perhaps that was the problem: believing that I wasn’t successful in life until I had achieved career and educations goals “a,” “b,” and “c.” My life over the last few years has not gone according to plan, but it’s worked out better in some ways than I could have planned it to, and maybe I should be taking that to heart and truly realizing how little “success” really means to a happy life.

Day 5: Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in your life. Don’t long for what you don’t possess – instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.

Okay, it is 11:44pm, and I am now beginning my five minutes. The wonderful things I currently have in my life – list, and then expansion: Corey, Owen, Cleveland, Brittany, “projects”, our home.

Corey and Owen are givens really – but then, I think my entire list, is pretty self-explanatory. They mean the world to me and quite literally complete my life. What I don’t have or do is never as big a deal when I am taking into consideration what they both mean to me. Cleveland is far away yes, but it is a new adventure with Corey, and it is beautiful. The weather is perfectly amazing every day – even when it’s raining, it’s gorgeous. I’ve gotten to experience so much and learn about an entirely new part of the country that I had never seen before moving here – and there is still SO much! Brittany – another piece of my life’s puzzle that I 100% could not survive without. We don’t talk every day but it’s enough to keep close and just enough to make me miss her. She is the other half of my soul, and when I talk to her – even through texts – I feel more like myself, and more alive. The “projects” I’ve already written about on here are such a blessing; I love doing Susie Homemaker things and it makes me so happy to be doing stuff for Corey and I to enjoy as a family and not just in my own home, and I am truly excited about the possibilities awaiting me from all the things I have coming. Our home, it may not have been perfect at all times in the last year, but it is Corey and I’s first place together, where I spent the bulk of my pregnancy, cooked my first Thanksgiving – and Christmas – meals, and brought Owen home to spend the beginning of his life. For that, I will always love this apartment and forever have a strong sentimentality attached to it.

And that is 8 minutes of writing, folks. : ) Be back in a day or two with the next assignments. Hoping all is going well, and that a pleasant week is reaching everyone. Goodnight, Void.

What a Wonderful World...

2011-06-19T13:48:00.001-04:00

First – while I did my assignment for Day 2 of the Gratitude challenge on time, I didn’t post it on here yesterday because I got distracted getting my hair done and taking Owen swimming for the first time. : ) So here it is:

Day 2: Use the alphabet as a fun and quick format for making a list of things for which you feel grateful. Share this list with your social network through email, a blog post or a Facebook or Myspace page.

A: adventure N: nieces

B: books O: owen

C: corey P: pets

D: debates with friends Q: questions

E: experience R: relatives

F: faith S: soulmates

G: gardening T: travel

H: health U: ustime with corey

I: imagination V: vision

J: jokes W: weddings

K: kisses X: xxx ;)

L: love Y: youth

M: muffins Z: zoos

Now, to continue to be on time I’ll go ahead and post day 3 in this same entry. It’s actually rather fitting since today is Father’s Day:

Day 3: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

I’m grateful for my family. I could write entire blogs about each person and what they mean to me, but since today is Father’s Day, I’m going to limit it to my Dad and Corey.

To begin, my Dad – or Daddy, as I still proudly and lovingly call him – has always been someone I looked up to. I have watched him for my entire life, wanting to do and say things in the same way he did, making his interests my own to further my relationship with him. This is why I now have such a lifelong love of fishing, as well as a great affinity towards watching and following professional golf (even though I am much too uncoordinated to learn to play myself, sadly). My Dad taught me and continues to teach by example – how to have a streak of pride in yourself, but more so in your family; being honest and living with integrity; learning to live independently but always knowing that family is there if you need them – no matter the situation or the consequences. He taught me that there is nothing wrong with a man crying – nothing – and that telling someone you love them should be as common as saying “Hello,” because what else could be more important to say? He has been an amazing father through my life, and I am so excited for the future and watching him get to enjoy being a Granddad to Owen. : )

Corey is new to being a Dad still, but he is hitting it out of the park so far. In the midst of everything that is so busy and hectic about our life, Corey stands strong with a constant love and excitement for spending time with Owen. He loves to play with him, invent games, cuddle, and simply watch Owen learn. – Such as this week, when he finally started to grab his own feet. : )Corey helps happily without ever worrying about the hassle – and he gets so protective over his little man, checking on Owen in his crib at least once for every night. : ) He grew up with a wonderful example of a father in his own home, and I have no doubt that he’s going to be a better father to Owen than I could have ever dreamed of.

So, Happy Father's Day to all of you who mean so much to the rest of us - appreciation and gratitude, they just don't seem to be big enough words in this situation.

New challenges, new ideas, new outlook

2011-06-17T22:33:00.000-04:00

Hello, Void. Did you have a good week? Here we have been enjoying spectacular weather and new smiles from Owen every day. He continues to get familiar (and less scared of) his laugh, talks constantly, and today started to find his feet for the first time. Through all of the crazy things happening, and the intense lack of employment taking place in my department, Owen honestly is like a baby version of Vicodin. There isn't anything special or over-emotional about it - he simply makes me happy. I've always been entertained my simple things, but this kid makes me literally spend most of my day just smiling at how adorable he is all the time. It entertains me so much to watch him learn new things every single day and each time he smiles, it's like watching a Disney movie for the first time.

Since the wee one has such a positive effect on me in the midst of all this frustration, I've realized that I need to finally work to change my perspective a little to try and be a bit more generally happy with how my life is - because while it is truly necessary I find a job .. there's no telling how long it will be before I have one. And I'm simply no longer interested in letting it bother me. Instead, Corey and I are discussing our options as a family, and I am working on some projects to change how I live my life day-to-day outside of Owen. I'm doing some research for a long term project regarding happiness, learning, and education; I've also been asked to take part in a co-op blog which will start sometime soon - don't worry, I'll give more info once it gets more developed; this entire year I've been working to try new recipes and expand my cooking horizons, and that still moves forward; and lastly a challenge to possibly change how I think of things.

First up, a good friend of mine introduced me to something that was created by Tiny Prints (which is a favorite site of mine, and the place where we bought Owen's birth announcements from) that is called the Gratitude Challenge. This challenge is meant to teach each of us to take a little time each day to be thankful for what is in our life. Over the course of 21 days, I will spend each day completing a task that is written out in the calendar of the challenge which I have printed out and mounted on the wall about our computer. I really want to commit to this and work to make a change with how I choose to initially react to something. This is not going to completely eradicate my pessimism (which I lovingly call realism) but hopefully it will help my general demeanor to be a bit happier and more thankful for the things that are going well in my life despite the things that are problematic at the time.

So I believe that this serves to meet my commitment for Day 1, which asks that I sign the contract and make a commitment to take note and give thanks for the next 21 days. Express why "you" accepted this challenge and what "you" hope to achieve from it. So here we are. Signed, sealed, and delivered.

..Sheepish..

2011-06-10T01:25:00.001-04:00

Okay. So, I’m pretty much a failure. I don’t post for eternity, then I come back, tease you photos, swear I’ll post a real blog in 24 hours and then I make you wait for days – again. Apologies.

So to start: an update of our life. First, Spring came..and then it went. Technically we’re now experiencing Summer weather. Though, to those of you in Florida, just imagine Spring weather and that is Cleveland’s version of Summer. They sure are whiny about it though. We had our first day where we hit 90° yesterday and everyone was complaining about how horribly hot it was – and it was actually completely lovely to a Florida girl. Not humid really, and a great breeze coming off the lake. I think Cleveland’s weather is pretty close to perfect for me.

On May 22nd we went to Holden Arboretum for the day.

Next, we have had a pair of turtle doves take over a planter on the balcony, made a nest, laid eggs, eggs hatched and now there are babies. Yes, b-bies. Pictures below of the whole loverly process. We named them Dorothy Parker and Forest…babies are nameless as of yet, though I suppose I should fulfill my naming destiny and figure that out. Um.. first I will make the command decision that they are a boy and girl each...their names shall be Henny Penny & Kevin (Chicken Little & Up). Crisis averted.

House-wise, I have taken down most of the wallpaper in our kitchen and am working on picking a color to paint the walls – finally! That wallpaper was hideous and peeling more than it was sticking to the walls. Bleh. So as far as colors go, I’m leaning towards a crème color that sort of matches the color in the rest of the main apartment, or a brown/beige color that compliments the backsplash over the sink and counter. After lots of research, I’ve got a palate of about 42 colors I’m considering. Fun times! The awesome thing is that I get the color approved by the owner (not hard, we did this already when we painted the bedrooms and she loves them) and then she covers the cost of the paint supplies, yay!

Me-wise (because, yes, I am now inventing words), I have been on a personal journey/excursion of sorts. I have now been searching for a job for about 2 months now and as of yet totally unsuccessful. A large part of the problem is the fact that I have to make at least 30k/yr though we would prefer it to be between 35-40. The reason it’s so high is because of daycare, primarily. Even though the place we’ve found for Owen is extremely competitive and honestly, dirt cheap (~$3.25/hr basically) it still ends up costing around 10k/yr. And the whole reason I need to work is to contribute to paying bills (such as that lovely bill from the hospital for having Owen, or those oh-so-superb student loans – ever accruing interest) so I have to make enough to have it worth our while. So the wheels turn…I’ve applied to jobs – so many jobs – and now over the last few weeks I’ve started trying to consider alternative careers of sorts that could work. Corey and I have agreed that for the time being, teaching isn’t really feasible due to the cost of getting certified and the low salary – let alone the economic crisis causing schools to be shutdown regularly. So, since education was out, the next thing I considered was opening my bookstore – something that has been a long term plan for years – but that is out for lack of a way to get funding, and that whole process of becoming profitable. I considered going to school to become a paramedic/EMT but that seems to be a lot of tuition and school for a temporary career that still doesn’t pay as much as we’d really like. And now, I’m back to zero…zero being zen, as well as zero ideas on how to move forward. I’ve applied to management positions, administrative positions, and just basic clerical positions (all of which I am completely qualified for, mind you) and so far I have completely struck out with not even the minor success of getting interviews. I’m at the point now that I’ve even started applying for bartending positions for nights and weekends so that I can work but not have the cost of daycare, which makes that expensive college degree even more irritatingly worthless. – So if any of you out there in the great expanse of the “interwebs” have a job opportunity for me, spill. I’ll buy you candy if necessary.

Lastly – Owen-wise. As of today he is almost 20 weeks old. Which is ridiculous…as always. He sits up pretty well, rolls over constantly, has developed a deep preference for sleeping on his side or his stomach, and talks to himself almost constantly. It’s so cute!!

So, now I have written a worthwhile post. Yay me. Complete with visual-aides. Enjoy, and buona notte.

No, Sanka, We Ain't Dead Mon...

2011-06-06T00:14:00.000-04:00

I swear I'm still here - things have been incredibly busy. And I haven't had the pleasure of being able to reign my thoughts in for a post in a long time, but I swear that within the next 24 hours you will have at least one post to read. For now, I post pictures as a bribe for more time. : )

We had a turtle dove move into my planter a few weeks ago and build a nest, last Monday her two eggs hatched and we now have wee babies. We named her Dorothy Parker, and the dad Forest (not Gump. I love the name and Corey would never let me use it on a kid sadly..)

Bath time today was a new adventure as it was the first time we used the Bumbo seat in the tub - Owen was a big fan, needless to say. As of yesterday he is 19 weeks (aka 4 1/2 months) old!!

Last Monday we celebrated Memorial Day and went to a Lake Erie beach, Owen's first time to a beach of any kind - though he's still not quite a fan of the idea of cool water. We'll teach him though!! We did get to sport a wee faux hawk though! : )

And some spring flowers from last month - I'll post more later, but I'll leave you with a link to our tumblr site, which I regularly load my cellphone pictures onto:

http://ryanohana.tumblr.com/

Goodnight, dear Void! See you soon!

Choose now or forever hold your peace...

2011-04-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

So to begin with this week, I’m going to write a response to a blog that I’ve been reading a lot of the last month or so: A Cup of Jo. She wrote a blog today asking how her readers felt about the gender of their child while they were pregnant – if anyone had a preference on what they wanted to have, how they felt when they did or didn’t end up having a baby of that sex, and whether they thought it was ok or a bad thing to have such a preference or hope. I thought it was a great question so I wanted to respond as a blog and share it with all of you rather than just a comment response. (If she actually comes to read this: Hi Joanna!!!)

As some of you know, I am one of six girls with a great many cousins who are for the most part – also girls. My husband, Corey, is one of four boys so that was like a dream come true for me, because I had wanted to have boys for as long as I can remember. The strange thing was though that even though I had wanted a boy my whole life, now that I was actually pregnant, I found myself absolutely terrified of actually getting what I’d always wanted. Mind you I was never really anti-girl, I just wanted something different and didn’t want to deal with any more of the PMS and drama that I had grown up with being around so many girls (not to mention my own cup o’ craziness). I had never been a big fan of dress-up; I had never done too many girly things as a child myself and didn’t really have any interest in doing them now. – But once faced with having a child, knowing I’d be raising it far away from any family…I wanted what I knew. I had helped raise my two youngest sisters and had babysat little girls countless times. I know what their development is, how to take care of them, - what to expect. The idea of having a boy went from being everything I’d ever wanted to the scariest thing in the world – for God’s sake, they pee standing up!

Eventually though, after about two months of panic, my mind returned to where it once had been – back to serenity and resolve. I wanted a boy, and was even more certain than I was before. I wanted that sweet boy that I could teach to be a decent man – a boy I could watch play baseball, soccer, lacrosse, or whatever he set his mind to. I loved the simplicity of boys. Everything that had been worrying me now exhilarated me. I adored that while girls can be counted on to be sneaky, boys can be counted on to do their silly crazy stunts out in the open. I never felt bad about having a preference, because I knew that should we find out we were having a girl, I would end up being just as thrilled with a little baby princess as I was when I found out it was a boy. Corey though, sheepishly asked me once a couple days before we were to find out, “Would it make me a bad dad if I said I wanted a boy more than a girl?” My immediate response was a resounding, “No” – after all, what man doesn’t want a boy? Fathers all obviously love their girls but it’s just an obvious idea for Corey to want a son. And plus, why would he be wrong if I was doing the same thing? :)

I know that if we had been given a girl everything would have been lovely, but having Owen has just been so wonderful. It’s exciting to be doing something new, and to look forward to all the things that will be different. Also, he’s just too adorable to not find fascinating. His little whimpers and coos make me constantly excited for the next thing to come from him, and I am just thrilled about seeing every stage that will come in the future. He is everything I had always wanted, and it’s only been three months. I look forward to finding out how similar his is to Corey – if he’ll be that goofy, silly boy who’s always pulling pranks and joking around but then five minutes later is being sweet and loving. I also long to see if he’ll be like both of us in our undying love of music and books – though, I think so far, the verdict on music is a resounding yes. The child loves listening to our albums of Elvis, Dave Matthews, the Beatles, James Carr, and so on – I try to throw in classical occasionally as well, because we both like it and I know it’s good for Owen to hear it, but it’s just too fun sometimes trying to discover new artists that he likes … and I just completely adore being able to say that my child has loved 60’s Soul since he was born more than any other music. :)

Long story short – I did have a preference. I had a mild panic stage of being scared of that idea for a while, but in the end I got what I wanted – and it’s everything I had hoped it would be. Now if only I could find as many cute clothes for boys as there are out there for little girls…

Returning from home, to home..

2011-04-09T01:54:00.000-04:00

It’s been a month. A busy one. Two weeks of awesome time in Florida, visiting home and everyone I’ve missed so much since last summer. I have literally a thousand pictures of everyone with Owen, and I’ve only spent the oh-so-many hours planning things for the future and thinking over things I’ve been reading. Due to all of that, there is a lot I want to write, though I fear it will eventually get way too long for a single entry (I mean, adding in pictures, it can quickly turn into the Neverending Blog Entry). : )

First things first: our trip home, was perfection. I enjoyed seeing everyone more than any of you could ever know, and I really only wish I could come more often. I really think that the ideal situation would involve time-travel. I do love Ohio, and my life here with Corey & Owen, but I miss home like there’s a hole in my heart (and life). I tried my best to see all those that I could while still doing my best to give everyone a decent visit (so that no one only got like 10 minutes..) but there were definitely still a bunch of people that I didn’t get a chance to see – to those people, I apologize – it really is tough to fit soo much into two weeks. That seemed like it would be plenty of time, but even going non-stop every day we were there – it just wasn’t enough. I’ll try to see the people I missed this time first on the next trip though.

Being around my sisters again may have been the best part of the trip. I have missed all of them more than I had even realized, and I was so happy to be able to see them and spend time talking to them in person again. Courtney and Hayley are both growing up so fast and becoming more beautiful every time I turn around, Brittany – well, she’s my other half…I’m not whole unless I’m with her, Kristi had found out she was pregnant after we moved and it was so wonderful to see her with her little baby bump and to talk to her about all the things that are happening having just went through it all myself (I’m so excited to see Bridget!!) and she’s getting married in October so there’s a whole other element of excitement and fun to talk to her about too, and Jenn is just forever there to be a big sister and spend time with – I still don’t think she’s gotten over the initial rush of excitement with Owen being born. They’ve been my life, my whole life, and it was more like being home when I was around them than almost any other time.

Seeing my family had some really special moments too. Owen met his Uncle Cody on this trip, which was really special since this is the first of the new generation on the Ryan side of our family. Owen got to meet both of my grandmothers (his Great Grandma and Great Nanny) and at long last, he got to meet his obscenely excited Granddad. My dad had been calling and checking up on “his boy” since Owen was born (and before) and you could see how ecstatic he was anytime Owen was in the room with him. We also saw a lot of cousins, great Aunts and Uncles, and perhaps my favorite thing: Owen got to meet my great Uncle Pete & Aunt Dorothy. Pete has a degenerative disease that causes slow-spreading paralysis, and he’s been in a chair since before I was born. Over the years, I’ve been able to see him less and less due to busy schedules, school, moving away, him or I or someone around me being sick, - pretty much: life. The main point is that I myself hadn’t seen him or my Aunt Dorothy since 2004 when my Papa died. So it was unbelievably special to see him on my own, let alone the moment of being able to see Owen meet him. This man has been a role model for optimism, intellectuality, and wisdom to me for my entire life – quizzing with riddles since I was a child (puzzles are his favorite thing – and trust me, the man knows everything), always being able to tell stories about his experiences in life (World War II, etc.), and never ceasing to present a witty and optimistic (yet beautifully facetious) point of view. His love for his wife (and hers for him) has been an example of marriage, commitment, and adoration that I can only dream of having with Corey as our marriage and life progresses through the years. I can't wait to visit again so I can expose Owen to him as much as possible - maybe some of that wit and strength will be catching.

Visiting with friends was so wonderful and exciting - seeing Jenna & Zach for the first time as an officially married couple, Miki at her job at the downtown library (she has an office and a card, which I know may sound ho-hum to some of you, but it's such a big deal having seen her work for it for so long!), Riley - who when last I saw her was still almost like a baby and now is a full-fledged little girl of 7 1/2 (how fast she's growing makes me sad that I'm not around to see it as much as I once did), Kelsey who is still making so many changes in her life that she doesn't even fully grasp how much is happening through the haze of work and college (I love being able to see it all happening), Mallory - a long-time love, who is doing so much in her life yet still taking the time to hand make a beautiful quilt for Owen, Amanda - a lifelong friend of the truest form and her little munchkin Naomi (and the soon to be munchkin in her belly!), Lauren & Daniel - friends to both Corey and I since we were all in high school, a beautiful couple who always remind us how wonderful married life can be (and she made such cute hats for Owen! and mini-Chuck Taylors!), my Megs, who as luck would have it, was in Florida for the last part of my trip visiting from California - a girl who I've loved dearly for so very long, and little known fact: Owen's first Valentine : ), and of course, Bella (aka Shaina) who has always been the bridge to another family and some of the best moments of my life - it was wonderful for Owen to meet her and the rest of the Corbins, who are as much my family as any of my sisters or my parents. Everyone was so wonderful - as they always are - only making me happier to know that my son will have no shortage of people who have loved him since the day he was born and are there to help lead him through his life and contribute to the man he will become.

This trip reminded me of so many things that I love about Florida, and just simply being home, that it will certainly not be long before I start craving another dose of it. There are other things I will be writing about, but I’ll leave those to be written over the next few days…for now, an entry of home.

Goodnight, dear Void.

Decorating plans fill my brain...

2011-03-08T03:00:00.000-05:00

For the last week I've been up until the very wee hours of the morning due to Owen being fussy at night or just having had my sleep schedule completely flipped (if it's not pregnancy induced insomnia, it's baby induced...). I've been watching Disney movies, Gilmore Girls, and a lot of Glee - oh, how I do love some Glee...I'm even getting Corey into it. We both love the covers - he was won over with the Valentine's Day episode's cover of "Fat Bottomed Girls", which I must admit was pretty amazing (could've done without the Bieber though).

Anyway, so along with being awake at all hours, I have been blog stalking like nobody's business as well as gathering plans for different decorating goals and projects. I started by having a bunch of pictures printed up and framing them as well as putting a bunch in organized albums. Then I began making progress on something I'd been wanting to do for months - my first gallery wall. My plan is to add a few more to the apartment and to make them focal points for the different rooms or areas. Here's some pictures of what I've got so far and then inspiration photos I've found.

Aren't gallery walls fantastic? I've had more casual versions in all of my apartments, but this is the first time I've ever done with the pictures in actual frames. I'm working on acquiring some art prints and other alternative things to hang along with the pictures - I bought a few today actually, which will come in while I'm visiting Florida, so hurray for having projects waiting for me when I get back! Here are first the prints I bought today, and then the one's I'm still planning on buying, with links to their respective stores on Etsy. : )

(all of these are from Winterberry Cottage)

(these are from Ma Petite Papeterie)

(lastly, these are from Hilaria Galleries)

I adore all those prints. Like soo much. The green one up there is going to be going to Owen's room - I think it's appropriate for a kid's room. And I just love the idea of the knight actually catching a little dragon to bring home, and does anyone else notice the Peter Pan flying Pirate ship in the upper corner? Gah, I just can't wait to have all of these hanging in my house!! In the end, I'm going to make two - possibly three - more Gallery walls. One in our living room and one in Owen's room for sure. There's also a big amount of wall space in our bedroom by my side of the bed but I'm not sure of my full plan for that space yet. I am working on a collage of all of the love notes, letters, and e-mails Corey and I exchanged while we were in the long-distance part of our relationship still. Then surrounding it I'm going to make some heart garland like this picture I found. In my mind, that alone makes a good installment on it's own with out the gallery setup.

Now, I realize this is running a lot longer than my posts have been for...well, pretty much since I got pregnant and stopped writing about weddings. But I'll leave it off now and just post a couple more pictures of other random projects that I have found that I want to do when I get home. Hope you enjoyed it, dear Void, and the next time I write to you will be after I get back from Florida, so I'll see you in two weeks.

"I'm just a little black rain cloud..."

2011-03-07T23:36:00.000-05:00

First off, I'll be writing a blog updating with regards to the Monkey known as Owen - then it's onwards and upwards to a blog regarding a ton of decorating what-nots that I'm planning and working on. As of Saturday Owen is 6 weeks old - and he's getting so big!! We leave to fly home really early on Wednesday - by early our flight out of Pittsburgh (2 hours away from us) leaves at 6:40am. So technically we're leaving tomorrow night. We've been spending quality time with Corey the last few days in preparation for the leave...for all the greatness it's going to be spending time at home with everyone I've missed, it is going to be really hard to go two weeks without him.

There's not much to be said in our lives as of late, the weather has been too cold for us to do anything but hangout inside lately - although, there are signs of spring showing up. It snows and then melts the very next day - I'll have to get some pictures of our river .. it's been flooding or close to for about 2 weeks now. Which is pretty impressive considering it's usually a wide creek only about 6 inches deep. I'll do my duty and give you fun new baby pictures to enjoy now, check back very soon for the blog on decorating projects and wants. It's going to be really fun with lots of purty pictures!

And lastly - a really old picture of Corey & I...

"All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.."

2011-02-27T01:03:00.000-05:00

Owen is five weeks old today. Which is crazy. He has officially spent two nights sleeping in his crib rather than his pack 'n play at the foot of our bed - which makes me happy that he changed over so smoothly. I bought a monitor set to ensure that we didn't sleep through his cries in the night as well as a sleep sound machine for him since he has gotten used to having some kind of sound or music to fall asleep to (his magical pack 'n play has a little nature sound thing on it as well) so we listen to the ocean while we sit in the rocking chair now - which we have also learned how much he really loves to sit in the rocking chair. He has gotten back to his solid 3-4 hour schedule, although the last few days he has had two periods per day (one at night, & one during the day) where he sleeps for 5-5 1/2 hours - which rocks my socks. The only thing I wish for is that it would settle into a specific time that he would take these long naps because then I know when the best time is for myself to get sleep, because so far I still find myself waiting for him to wake up needing to be fed when I could be sleeping most of the time. Oh well, lessons will be learned eventually.

Owen and I go home for his first visit to Florida (and my first visit home since we moved to Ohio in August) on March 9th, which I'm soo excited for. My dad is ecstatic and calls regularly to check on "his boy" and see how everything is going - it's so cute to see how excited he is to meet Owen, and I'm certainly ready to show him to everyone. That's been the one hard thing about living so far away from everyone when he was born - everyone only knows him through pictures right now. So it will be a fantastic two weeks to enjoy time with everyone and to take millions of pictures of everyone with Owen. : )

Once we get back home, the real fun begins. It is time for me to finally begin to find a job (hopefully it won't take long) and with that job, a nanny who doesn't make me completely paranoid and doesn't claim the entirety of my paycheck - thus nullifying the entire point of me working. I have started looking around online already, but I'm not going to start to actually apply for a few more weeks because of our trip home. With any luck though, I'll have a job by the end of April. That does mean, though, that I have to finally invest in a breast pump - an expense I had lovingly avoided as of yet - as well as bottles and the like, since obviously Owen will have to learn to feed from bottles while I'm at work. Fun times.

In any case, my life is still obviously very small so I don't have much to entertain you with, dear Void. However, enjoy these recent pictures of my little Monkey to help soften the blow. : )

*does that qualify as a smile? i believe it does..*

"don't make me knock you out"

"I finally got an answer.."

2011-02-17T02:53:00.000-05:00

"All those years that I prayed - that I begged on my hands and knees - for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, - make all my dreams come true - I finally got an answer. You. Right there in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do."

- Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

In five days, Owen will be a month old. I am completely incapable of comprehending how that happened. I still feel like we were just at the hospital going through labor. Over the less couple days I've been becoming acquainted with the reality of being a mom by myself - you see, my mom left on Sunday and Corey promptly got sick Tuesday afternoon so this week has been very much just me and Owen. We have camped out in the living room, giving Corey the master bedroom and some space so he doesn't hear Owen cry in the night, and the most "fun" part has been that Owen started going through what I'm deciding must be a growth spurt yesterday afternoon so he has been eating every 1 1/2- 2 hours (mind you, he eats for 30 minutes at a time) so that isn't leaving much time for any kind of normal sleep pattern, or eating, or anything really. Thus the reason that it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm writing a blog...

I decided to write this blog however, with the idea in mind that since Owen is turning a month old in a few days, it would be cool to write either a blog centered around him or a blog kind of letter addressed to him. I think it's turning into both in a way, because the letter part is still forthcoming. So enjoy, or don't if you so choose.

To my beautiful little man, my Buddy, my monkey,

There are some things that I never liked about being pregnant with you. It was an exhausting process, that for a majority of the time was painful or in the very least uncomfortable. Labor was every ounce of the most pain I've ever experienced in my life (yes, my child, I had an epidural - but that was only effective for certain portions of the labor - and by no means did it save me from the most painful part towards the end), however, at the end of that particular day twenty-six days ago - I got you. As you can tell, that has not washed away my memories of how things really happened, as so many would like to pretend it does, but I will say that regardless of how miserable it was - you are worth it.

Over the last few weeks, I have been your source of sustenance, comfort, and security. None of that will change any time soon, but I do want to tell you that even at those moments when you frustrate me most - whether it be your obstinate way of refusing to eat even though I know you're hungry, or you're cries and temper tantrums simply because you're bored and want more attention - even though you utterly exhaust me at those moments, I can't even find myself capable of getting upset for more than a few seconds because I look at you and find myself overtaken by feelings of happiness just at how beautiful you are. It amazes me how mellow of a child you have been since birth, after such a complicated pregnancy, and I am endlessly thankful for how perfect you are despite how many things could have gone wrong throughout my pregnancy and specifically the end of my labor which led to your birth by c-section. Despite all of those possibilities though, God still was kind enough to give me a son with no health problems, who has the most beautiful face that can literally calm me down no matter what I'm feeling simply because I am so grateful.

I know that this is only the beginning, and that your abilities to exhaust, infuriate, and utterly wear me down will only increase over time - but I also know just as surely, that my feelings of gratefulness will always accompany my consciousness whenever I think about or look at you. I will never forget how incredibly thankful I was when you were born and your Dad said that everything was okay. I will also always remember how saddened I was for the couple down the hall from us in the hallway on the postpartum floor who had to give birth to their child at 25 weeks due to complications and early labor - and how much more appreciative I was to God again for giving you to me in such perfect health and beauty once I was reminded how easily things can go awry.

Owen, my baby, my son, - I write all of these things so that you know that despite all of the hardships that may befall us throughout life and parenthood, you have always been - and will always be - worth it. I love you..

We're still here, I swear..

2011-02-11T22:54:00.000-05:00

Well, there has been much writing done lately but we are in fact still here. Honestly, my days are consisting of feedings, diapers, burping and rocking....the usual. I have my mom here still until Sunday, which has been fantastic, and we've been spending almost all of our time inside the house because it's so cold outside, but hopefully it'll warm up at least a little in the coming weeks. Breastfeeding is going well, just having to deal with the exhaustion that is feeding every 3-4 hours; I swear that child sucks my energy out of me every time he gets hungry. I set up a Shutterfly website so that everyone we know could look at his photos even if they don't have Facebook, so there is a whole host of pictures over at owenmichaelryan.shutterfly.com - you're welcome. : ) I wish there was more for me to write but honestly my life the last couple weeks has been hugely non-eventful. Other than healing (almost back to normal, by the way, thank God - and I bought new running shoes the other night so we can go walking/running in the park soon) and taking care of Owen, I don't have anything happening. I'll work on something more worthy of reading though for next time, so have no fear - your witty host shall return....eventually. Until then, enjoy the pictures - I'll be back soon. : )

Little Star Sweeper...

2011-01-30T23:36:00.000-05:00

He's here!!!

Counting the days..

2011-01-10T19:05:00.000-05:00

Well, Happy New Year! I've had a small delay in posting (I really just haven't been able to think of anything to write for the last week) but I'm back now with the first post of the year. : ) Since all the family went home after Christmas, Corey and I have been primarily taking it easy, enjoying our last few weeks together before Owen gets here. On New Year's Eve we went into the city to explore, something we're still very much so at the beginning of, and we went to the Westside Market - a very famous, and huge, farmer's market - and then after walking around a bit we went and had dinner at a fantastic Mexican restaurant downtown named Zocalo. The food was so incredibly amazing and I actually really look forward to going there again when I'm able to drink because they're also a Tequileria, serving 73 different kinds of Tequila. Yes, you read correctly: 73. Their bar menu actually has several pages explaining the history of tequila drinking and how it is done properly (a hint: shots with lime and salt, pretty much the worst thing to do with tequila in the eyes of someone who's really serious about it). Something I didn't know until after I had left the restaurant, is that the head chef at the restaurant is Chef Aaron Sanchez who was a finalist on 'The Next Iron Chef', regularly serves as a judge on 'Chopped', and has published his own cookbook. - Let me tell you, the food is every bit as good as you would imagine, if not 10 times better. I was never personally a big fan of Mexican food before eating there but now I find myself wanting it all the time.

After we had such a great afternoon and evening downtown, and seeing several different couples getting married/ having their wedding pictures taken, we went home to relax and spend a quiet New Year's at home. After the ball dropped, we walked out onto our balcony and watched fireworks being shot off from several different places for a few minutes. Corey gave me a hug and said, "Can you believe that in the next month I'm going to turn 25 and we're going to become parents?" My response was a resounding "No." I'm very aware of how much time we have left, I feel prepared and am actually spending every day hoping that I will go into labor rather than have to wait until the end of the month - I want him out of me! The Braxton Hicks contractions (or God's tease, as I think of them) are starting to cause more pain than I'm interested in dealing with and I've been dilated to 1cm for the last week so I'm definitely mentally ready to get this show on the road. There are a couple things I still need to buy for once he's born but if I were to have to get them after he was born it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Corey and I went to our childbirth class this past Saturday and spent 8 hours going through the program in one chunk of time. It was primarily not much of anything I didn't already know, though I did find out that birth balls help a lot with my back pain so I am heavily considering getting one of those to have at the house for the rest of my pregnancy and for my early labor when we're still at home. It was also really nice to be able to talk with other expecting couples. I'm hoping to make some friends when I start going to the new mothers and breastfeeding luncheons after Owen's born.

The last of the baby news is that at the moment, I'm currently laying in a bed at the hospital again because after 6 weeks of my protein levels being totally fine, the proteinuria has returned and I tested with an abnormal level again at my dr's checkup so I'm here for another 24hr collection and observation. While there's a decent chance it'll end the same way it did last time and everything will go back to normal having my body continue to be a medical marvel, there's a slight chance of other options, and also a chance (theoretically) that my OB could decide to go ahead and induce labor so that we just finish this craziness and have Owen born - I'm seriously hoping and praying for this option. Intensely. I know it's selfish, but I'm in my 37th week and I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore so I don't care. If we do in fact end up having Owen come in the next couple days, I'll try to post a comment to this entry so that everyone can be informed of the big event. If I can't then the next entry may just be a simple picture of him to convey the point. : ) Either way, eventually he'll be born and my OB has already told me that she didn't really have any interest in waiting more than a day - two at the most - after my due date before inducing, if we actually make it to that point. So at the latest, he'll be born at the end of the month. : )

For now, this will suffice for all I've got to write, because I'm getting tired of typing so I'll stop here and say Good Evening All. : )

Oh, times they are a changin'...

2010-12-27T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, Christmas was wonderful. Corey's parents and brother came for a long weekend and we got to have some good quality time with them from Thursday all the way through this morning, we spent time playing Trivial Pursuit and Apples to Apples, enjoying each others' company and joking around. We also went and saw both Little Fockers and True Grit while they were here - both movies were fantastic and I totally suggest you go see them as soon as you can. : )

Christmas morning was really lovely, filled with Pat's homemade cookies and a lot of present giving and opening. Lotssss of presents. Corey and I got a video camera from his parents, I was given an amazing new camera from Corey, they all got together and gave me a Pandora bracelet with a few charms on it, Corey's parents gave me a couple bottles of my favorite wines for when I can finally drink again (finally...), and there were many many other things - those are just the highlights. Corey also got his stocking from my family and a 4000 piece puzzle from me. : ) Yesterday as a totally unnecessary extra, Corey's parents also took us to Babies 'R Us and bought the travel system (stroller and car seat) I'd been wanting and planning on buying myself this next week. It was incredibly kind of them and we're really grateful to have one of the biggest things still on our baby-to-do list done. : )

Because we've had family here I don't have too much to write, but I'll post some pictures and update again very soon. We have another ultrasound tomorrow morning so I may have some more Owen pictures for the next post (and some belly pictures for those who like them, I know I've deprived you for a long time), we shall see. Otherwise, have a good week..

Walking (or Waddling) in a Winter Wonderland...

2010-12-12T01:20:00.000-05:00

I swear I haven't been avoiding blogging! I really have just been that busy! How you ask? Since I don't work and haven't had a social life as of yet? Well, I got bumped up to going to see my OB twice a week because of having some protein in my urine cultures, and when one of the cultures came back with a ridiculously high level of protein in it, I had to spend a night in the hospital (two days before Thanksgiving! Grr! Talk about an interruption to the holiday..) to have my blood pressure monitored as well as a 24 hour collection to make sure I wasn't developing pre-eclampsia. Corey spent the night with me and my mom hung out with me during the day on Wednesday so that Corey could get a break and take Courtney and Hayley out to have some fun and not drive Dad up the wall. Long story short, the collection came back with a sky-high amount of protein but my blood pressure was reading fine and all my blood work came back clear as well so I had to do another 24 hr collection again a week later (thankfully this one was at home) - the end result being that the second culture had virtually no protein in it. So the proteinuria has proven to be a mystery to my doctors (yes, I have doctorS now) but I take my blood pressure 3 times a day to make sure it doesn't go to high (again, watching to avoid pre-eclampsia).

Regardless of the health drama, Thanksgiving was awesome and my family visiting was fantastic - though for not nearly enough time. I made the turkey from Alton Brown's recipe (soo good) and a ton of other foods that came out perfect. : ) Corey and I have decided that for sure the Alton recipe will be our staple way of having turkey every year from now on, it truly is just that fantastic. : )

Last week we got our first snow (a small one), and then over the first weekend of December, my best friend Shaina came for a short visit - but a none the less perfect one - and we got a good snow to give us a few inches on the ground to play with. She took some pictures of Corey and I, helped me dye my hair - much to my amazing gratitude, thank GOD for no more bad roots - and we went to the Christmas Story house in town and enjoyed some seasonal celebrating through that and the lights decorating the square downtown. Oh! And while at the Christmas Story house, I bought a bomber hat as my new winter hat! So much fun to wear! : )

This week, in the midst of the four - yeah, that's what you just read, FOUR - doctor's appointments I had, I got, addressed and stamped our Christmas postcards with the exception of a couple stragglers which I'm still looking for addresses on (Amanda, this includes you and Taylor). I also wrapped a few presents that I've bought and put them under the tree until shipping time, got Corey and I's special ornament for 2010 ordered and shipped to us, and began the baking process for the tins I'm mailing to some friends and family for the holidays. I've been really productive, I have to say. And I'm proud of it. Now, the mission for this coming week is to finish the tins, finish the holiday shopping for family and get all the gifts shipped out in time for Christmas, and to get shopping done for Corey's presents which I haven't even started - not due to slacking, he just won't tell me what he wants!! Lots to do but I really, really love it and the snow that has been happening and that is to come (we're supposed to get between 1 and 3 feet in the next 2 days, haha) has been giving me a whole new love for Christmas that trumps the already intense love that I have always had. I'm so excited for my first literal white Christmas : )

So, I must admit that Corey and I are temporarily camera-less because the batteries to both of our digital cameras have ceased to hold charge so my pictures can only be taken on my cellphone - which leaves much to be desired in some cases, but I'll post some for the enjoyment of the masses that aren't too horrible. Otherwise, consider this the end of this particular reading adventure. Happy Christmas to you, dear Void, as I will probably not write again before the holiday (probably the days after?).

One Brief Hiatus Later...

2010-11-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

Hello Brave New World....apologies for my absence for the last few weeks, there really wasn't much to write about so I took a break for a bit. I've been enjoying the weather continuing on its cold streak (last weekend there was actually a first snow in some areas of Cleveland and other parts of Ohio, but alas, I haven't gotten anything yet here in my area...soon enough though - Patience, grasshopper...). There was one piece of news that we got yesterday when I got done with a few different doctor's appointments (my regular checkup and two separate glucose tolerance tests) over the last week or so; end result being that I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

While I'm certainly not thrilled about this (I mean, really - who wants to have their bout of temporary Diabetes right through the bloody holidays??), I'm not completely freaking out. I have an appointment with a Diabetes Counselor tomorrow to talk about a diet and exercise plan as well as learn how to use my new monitor and test my blood sugar levels (which I'll have to do like 6 or 7 times a day...yippee..). I'll also be going to get some new sonograms done a few separate times to monitor Owen and make sure all is going well with him so that will help to keep things focused and less stressful (and it will help us to know if he will be one of those unusually large babies that happen with gestational moms sometimes requiring a C-section instead of regular delivery; again, nothing I'm stressed about - best to roll with the punches).

Otherwise, all is going well. In two weeks, my parents and baby sisters will be here for Thanksgiving (something I'm REALLY looking forward to in all honesty, because it will be so much fun to have them see where I'm living and go explore with Corey and I), the week after that my best friend Shaina is coming for a weekend visit - again, something I'm excited about, and the weekend after that Corey and I are going to travel over to Manhattan for the weekend to hangout with Shaina and her family on their Christmas holiday trip to enjoy the city - which will be lovely to see again, since I haven't been in a year and a half and miss it dearly....especially at Christmas time since Corey & I got engaged there the day after Christmas in 2008. : ) Now that it is getting colder and I'm needing to incorporate some kind of more active physical activity into my days Corey and I are going on nightly walks in the neighborhood across the street from our building and we're also going to start going ice skating at the local rink pretty regularly too (something I love to do oh so very much).

I've been getting in a Christmas-y kind of mood the last couple days - not that I am skipping Thanksgiving excitement, because it's actually my favorite holiday - but I've been trying to figure out what I want for Christmas (I'm trying to think of specifically things that are for me and not for me as a mommy in the future since that will be the norm soon enough) so far I am thinking about a spa day of sorts, FINALLY getting my hair fixed since it's been needing to be colored for months now and looks really horrible, maybe my own pair of ice skates instead of using rentals, and there's a camera I really want a lot that I'm hoping will go on a good Black Friday sale. : ) In any case, you may have noticed I made a new playlist to be attached to the blog - it is all Christmas songs and renditions that I love so I figured I would share it with you all to give the page a little seasonal cheer. : )

Enjoy the week, the music and the season - I'll write again soon, dear Void. : )

That which is the beauty of October...

2010-10-18T00:31:00.000-04:00

Approximately 15 weeks from now, Owen will be born. Which still both excites and completely freaks me out - the actual parenting aspect of taking care of him doesn't worry me; the freak out comes from the sheer astonishment of how quickly all this has happened and how much my life has changed just since the beginning of this year. Up until early May I was still planning on having a wedding (which by the way, would have been taking place this upcoming Saturday on the 23rd) and now only 5 months later, I'm already married, living across the country from where I was, Corey is working a new (and far superior) job, and we're closing in on becoming parents! All this and we haven't even had a one year anniversary yet. And that's another thing. We'll have a 5 month old baby by the time we have our first wedding anniversary! Ha! God really does like to remind us that we're not in control and that trying to plan everything out is pointless, doesn't he? : ) The good thing is that I'm really learning how much better things are than I ever could have planned them to be. Five months have passed where I'm not suffering and waiting patiently to see my fiance again - because he's finally next to me in bed every night : ) and I can't really explain how amazing that is. Nothing is going according to plan, but everything is perfect and exactly as it should be. Which is lovely. : )

Even though it's October, I've been working on Christmas stuff lately. Not because I'm a weirdo who skips holidays, because I'm totally not - I have Halloween crafts as well as Thanksgiving dinner to plan. What I've been working on - researching really - is different Christmas tree Ornaments to make as well as trying to plan what I'll be making and sending out as a gift for Christmas for most of our friends and family. I've found several options of ornaments that I'll be making for Corey and I's tree - I really wanted to avoid having our whole tree be just plain colored ornaments since I grew up with a tree of homemade ornaments and the like - I know it takes years to build up all those ornaments like my Mom has, but I thought I could utilize the time I have at home right now with no Owen to make a bunch that are homemade and really pretty. So I'll share the ideas for ornaments and gifts here for you to peruse and enjoy some early Christmas fun. : )

wooden block ornaments : )

book nerd paper chain

paper mache ornaments - dr. seuss style

cinnamon ornaments - we made these as kids, i love them

little bird ornaments - just a cute touch : )

And for the holiday cheer ideas I'm thinking of using to send out to everyone - I decided the best thing would be to make something so that it wouldn't be so complicated or financially irritating around the holidays. This way pretty much everyone can get a little something, instead of only a couple people getting anything. Enjoy the ideas : )

peppermint sticks with white chocolate and sprinkles

pretzel rods dipped in chocolate (and i also sprinkle on some different

things like peppermint bits, sprinkles, or toffee pieces)

mulling sachets for apple cider - super yummy bonus to the normal

holiday staple : )

Those are my ideas for the Christmas season, - I'll be starting to work on the ornaments pretty soon, and I'll make the food stuffs around or shortly after Thanksgiving so they'll be ready to mail out in early December. Fun times! Can't you just see me crafting it up with a huge belly? That's what is gonna be happening, haha : ) Well, I'm off to rest and get some sleep with the hubbie, enjoy your evening and have a happy Monday!

"They didn't have you where I come from..."

2010-10-11T01:44:00.000-04:00

The song called 'Lullaby' by the Dixie Chicks is turning into a favorite of mine these days. Although I discovered tonight as Corey and I drove home from our trip to Baltimore that Owen is a big fan of Coheed & Cambria - after being a quiet munchkin all day, as soon as I turned my Coheed playlist on in the car he started kicking away; I guess I can feel secure in him having good taste in music now. : )

While we were in Baltimore this past week we stayed with a couple friends that live there, Tilghman & Whitney, and spent some quality time with them relaxing and having fun. On Saturday we went to IKEA where Corey and I bought Owen's crib and all the fixin's for it, and after that we went into Washington D.C. since I hadn't ever been. We walked around town a bit and then down the mall and to the Lincoln memorial - there's still a lot for me to see in the future but it was a great trip for an afternoon. I did learn, however, that I can no longer walk 3 or 4 miles in a day without paying dearly for it with very sore muscles and swollen feet. In any case, we had a lovely week and made it safely back home earlier this evening before setting into immediately putting together Owen's crib and room. : )

We also made an official decision this week by asking Tilghman & Whitney if they would be Owen's Godparents, which they happily accepted. Godparents have always been a big thing in Corey's family so to find the right fit of who would be able to be around in Owen's life over the years was a tough decision, but in the end I think we settled on a great couple who are nearby to be present for any big events of Owen's future and share with us as his life unfolds. : )

This week I've entered my 24th week, which makes Owen over 12 inches long now and weighing in at around a pound and a half. He's kicking less this week, but definitely still making his presence known every day at some point (though sadly he immediately quits kicking every single time someone other than me is trying to feel it). I'm eating more, feeling hungry almost constantly, and drinking a lot more water/fluids through out the day in an ever present attempt to quench my thirst. Things are going well, though I feel like time is definitely starting to slip away and that before we know it January will be here. We've accrued some more baby clothes so I'll post some pictures of those up (most are gifts but the first outfit was Corey's first time picking out something for Owen, I think he did really well) - otherwise, I'm going to sleep and get some rest after a long drive home. Happy Monday, all...

22 weeks, and we have gained some knowledge

2010-09-27T18:22:00.001-04:00

Well big news: It's a boy!! On Thursday morning, I went and got my sonogram done and they told me it was going to be a little boy. : ) I had been planning on not knowing what we were having but as the months have gone on I'd been having more and more anxiety about not knowing what to call the baby and feeling like I couldn't really plan properly because I didn't know what we were having. I know it's not really rational since plenty of people have children without knowing the gender before hand, but it just was bothering me a lot. So in the end, I decided I would rather know what we were having ahead of time so I wouldn't stress and I could talk to the baby by name and have everything set up the way I wanted for when he/she is born.

So once I found out I made the calls to some close friends and family members but while I was telling everyone what the news was, I was also letting them know that Corey couldn't be told and nothing was to make it on to Facebook until I had made the announcement. Since Corey had unfortunately had to work on Thursday, I decided I would make it a little more special for him than just a simple phone call (which was what he was expecting) so I left the hospital and drove to Baby Gap and Target to buy some baby clothes that was all blue so he could find out we were having a boy when he got home by walking into the baby's room. He was kind of pissed with me all day, but I still think it was the better way to go than just calling him and telling him over the phone like it wasn't a big deal. So here are some pictures of how I'd set up Owen's room for when Corey got home and some of the clothes I'd bought.

I had the most fun buying clothes for the first time - everything was so cute and it made me so excited to feel the clothes, knowing they were for my baby not being bought as a present for someone else's baby shower. : )

I had some friends wanting to see pictures of how my belly has been growing so I have a couple of those to upload as well - oh and of course more pictures of Owen. : )

21 weeks along...

And now for the real special part, pictures of my little baby to be, Owen Michael Ryan. : )

Little feetsies..

He was sucking his thumb for almost the entire sonogram appointment - so cute!

This is my favorite picture we got, I think it looks like he's smiling. I love that they took some 3d pictures!

There are more pictures but these are by far my favorites from the appointment. I can't wait for January to get here so I can meet him! : ) Hope you all enjoy the pictures and the news - have a happy Monday all!

Week 21 and updates are coming..

2010-09-20T22:14:00.000-04:00

So today I went to my first appointment with my new doctor here in Cleveland and I really like her a lot. They did a checkup on me and told me that all is well and that I need to start working on gaining the pregnancy weight (though I'm assuming that comes pretty naturally). We listened to the baby's heartbeat again (never a bad thing, because I love hearing it and Corey heard it for the first time today) and they scheduled my big sonogram for this Thursday morning. Hopefully all will work out and we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby then as well as Corey being able to see the baby for the first time.

As of last night two things were decided - first, I decided that I'm gonna know what the sex of the baby is with Corey. It's been bothering me that I cant call the baby by name now that it has started moving around, and I want to be able to plan more gender specifically than I've been able to do so far - I've actually been feeling a little stressed about not knowing which clothes I can buy or can't buy so I haven't wanted to buy anything. This way I'll still be able to do green stuff but add more gender specific touches with it - which is kind of helpful because some of the winter clothes I've been finding are either very meant for a boy or visa versa. Happily, in a couple days I'll know who's inside me and what kinds of clothes and such to get for him or her. : )

The second decision we made last night was to FINALLY settle on a boys name - yay!!!! It only took a full 3 and a half months to make a decision when all we were debating was the first name. The final verdict is: Owen Michael! Yay for decisions! We decided on it around 1 am last night and Corey even agreed that it's the final choice! : ) It's nice to have a name for both possibilities - I was getting worried that we couldn't decide on a boy's name but now I feel much more secure about it all.

Lastly, I've been trying to figure out a way to do a birth announcement pretty soon after the baby's born so that everyone will be able to see the baby as a newborn. I originally thought about going to a professional photographer to get pictures done - even found a couple options I really liked - but they're so expensive that I decided to re-evaluate. I've been planning on getting a new camera for a little while now and realized that I can use the camera to take great high res photos of the baby myself and do the announcements on my own for vastly cheaper amounts of money. So instead I've been looking at different "poses" (because we all know newborns don't pose, they just lay there and look perfect) and trying to decide on any props I might want to invest in. With that in mind, I'm going to put pictures up today that I've found showing ideas I will try to copy to get cute pictures of little Owen or Calla once he/she arrives. : ) It should be fun, and a good way to enjoy all that time we'll be spending inside because of the snow.

Enjoy the pictures and have a lovely Monday night : )

i really like the pictures where the blanket has a little texture, it softens things up nicely

the close up is so beautiful in high res, it just shows all that baby perfection

i like the idea of having books involved but i'll probably do something a touch different than this

if we're having a boy, i think this would be adorable since Corey played for most of his life

That's all for now, good evening all..

I can feel you in there, Little Alien!!

2010-09-17T17:32:00.000-04:00

Last night at around 1 am I was watching TV and felt the baby tell me hello for the first time! : ) I immediately sent a text to a few friends and one of my sisters to share my excitement (and to apologize for the late hour). It was seriously the coolest thing I've ever felt and I'm finding myself impatiently waiting all day for it to happen again. : )

I've been looking at baby clothes today and found a few things I really like (so of course, I'm going to post some pictures of them) .. next Monday will be my first appointment with my new doctor here in Ohio, so I should have some news then, at least the basics of "it's still in there". : )

Enjoy the pictures, happy Friday..

I'm super excited that I found good jackets and sweater stuff! And ya gotta love baby stuff with a touch of punk : )

Week 20 (as of tomorrow)..The Changes Continue

2010-09-10T23:22:00.000-04:00

Well, since my last post, the nausea has gone and been replaced by a small belly, regular bouts of indigestion and fairly constant back aches...wahoo! I'm still oh so in love with looking at baby things online, always looking for something cool to use or copy and I'm finally in the our new home that will see me through the rest of my pregnancy and the baby's birth. Sadly we won't be able to live here longer than 2 years max. because of ownership laws by the condo association here but I don't think it will be a problem to find wherever we choose to move. The area is absolutely gorgeous and everyone is incredibly friendly! I'm really enjoying the beginning of my first actual fall, and seriously looking forward for its progression and the upcoming winter. My parents and younger sisters are planning on coming to visit us here in Cleveland at Thanksgiving so that is really exciting, because otherwise I won't be seeing anyone from home anytime soon.

I've gotten my first appointment set with my new doctor for the 20th of this month so until then it's just me and Corey slowly but surely settling in to the house...waiting for all of our stuff to be here, unpacking it and so on. I do have to say that so far it's all coming together really nicely but I'm certainly ready for it to all be set and done. Moving is bad enough but making it a month long process is definitely not any better I promise you. I've been getting little things for the house to start making it our own, though there are still some things I'm desperately hunting for...a coffee table for one, magnets for another (Who knew it was so hard to find magnets now a days?!), and I haven't even started baby stuff - though I am proud of myself for creating two registries so at least I have a mental list of what I need to get by January.

Well, aside from the move, getting settled and the continuing changes that are pregnancy, I don't have much else to blog about so I'll bestow cute pictures and what not upon you like I always do. Happy Friday, all.

(template for an art project I'm doing for the baby's room)

diy baby blocks from martha stewart

diy bath apron - super awesome idea

Days Go By...Week 13

2010-07-27T17:13:00.000-04:00

Well. I'm still not doing well at posting more often, though in my defense I've been pretty sick the last six weeks or so. However, after seeing the doctor last week I now have a prescription for Phenergan to hopefully help with the nausea and throwing up. So far I throw up less, but it still happens every day or two (trust me that's a vast improvement over the 10-12 times a day I was sporting - at least now I can stay hydrated most of the time). Fatigue has been a real problem I've noticed lately...after a couple hours of normal activity and moving around I feel like I've just finished an intense workout or a 60 hour work week...which makes for a pretty anti-climatic social life I would say.

Corey has been in San Francisco for a full week now, going through the training program for his new job with MizuhoOSI - a medical equipment sales company where he will be a salesman at the end of the program. Both of his parents have been in the medical sales industry for a very long time so Corey takes it as a kind of second nature. As it stands right now, he is supposed to finish training around the 26th of August and then be at work in Cleveland, Ohio the following Monday. That means I have to find us a place to live in Cleveland by then - which, I must say, is a very interesting task when we don't have a frame of reference really on how much money will be coming in yet as well as the fact that I'm not anywhere near Cleveland and have never been in Ohio - let alone the Cleveland area. So I am slowly but surely working to research the area and find an apartment that is decent. Whether or not I actually see the place before I move into it is questionable with how I've been feeling - but that's rather un-ideal so we'll see.

In other news, we've discussed names for the baby to the point where we now just send each other text messages with nothing in them except a name at random points through out the day and respond to each other with a knee jerk yes or no. How special are we that the only communication I may have with my husband on a given day is a text message reading, "Liam"? Granted we had our name for a girl settled on over a year ago - long before babies were any kind of real conversation - so really the debate is only for a boy's name...and trust me there have been some doosies. The middle name has been decided on being Michael but as for suggestions for boys names that were thrown out rather quickly: Seamus (Corey fought for this one for weeks but has finally realized it isn't going to happen), Finn, and Dalton (an undecided that has slowly moved down the list to where it really isn't even on the list anymore). One of our biggest problems is that we both have issues with names being tainted for one or both of us by someone we've known in the past with that name - I have a thing about names having a small factor in a person's future personality (I know it's strange but I've thought this since I was a kid and I stand by it) - so we have been having a rough time finding names that one or both of us don't associate with someone we don't like. This has included Lance, Shawn, Benjamin, Stephen, Thomas, and about 3,000 others - side note: if one of these is your name or your kid's name, I apologize and please don't think it's like every Ben/Benjamin we meet we dislike or something; it's just that one experience with that name was unpleasant and it made an impression enough to wear we now don't want to consider that name for our own baby. Either way ... big hoorahs and hip hips will be heard 'round the world when we finally settle on a boy's name - just so I'll know what our baby's name is regardless of its sex. Oh! And since in my rambling I've forgotten, I'll tell you our girl's name: Calla Rae Ryan - Calla as in the lily; and Rae is my mother's middle name.

(we'd do gray/silver and green on this instead of blue)

Now I'm going to post a ton of pictures of things that I discovered on Etsy today that I want incredibly badly for the baby. Everything I buy will be in shades of neutral tones (browns, grays, whites, etc) and green so if you see something in a specific color you can pretty generally ignore that. But I've decided I'm in love with browsing and want some of these things pretty much right this instant. Plus there is the added bonus that with the baby's due date being January 29th that I'll have an excuse to get winter clothes so he/she will be able to stay warm in the northern winter weather. : ) Enjoy my want list....

a baby cocoon & hat (this one is meant to be a pear

i know its not green, but i adore the bee cocoon

because God knows my child will be raised with punk tendencies

i really love this owl cap

i like it in brown as well (the blue is cute, but this is so beautifully fall-tastic)

this is a beautiful stocking cap that i adore

this is a little more like an elf cap, but i like the ball at the end

the green is so beautiful...

i adore this little dinosaur hat

the perfect newborn hat...i think the baby may go home in this

a whale mobile .. for some reason i really like whales for baby room decor

a kite mobile...a little too simple in this model i think though

a diy ribbon mobile - gotta love the gator colors in this; and so simple

an autumn mobile - this is just gorgeous.

Well those are my obsessions so far....hats and mobiles for babies. : ) Hope you have a good Tuesday, dear Void...

First Trimester Status...

2010-06-30T02:57:00.000-04:00

I'm laying in bed watching a favorite show - Good Eats with Alton Brown (see picture below) - and I thought I should quit the slacking and write an update on how everything is going with me and more specifically the pregnancy (which we're now referring to as the mini-poppet by the way). So now commences the updating and blogging you've all so dearly missed...

Well I'm in my third month of pregnancy, and to be honest - I am no seeing the beauty of this supposed miracle yet. For the last month I have spent all save about 3 days in bed feeling extremely nauseous or in the bathroom expelling that which is anything that made it into my stomach. (Gross, I know - trust me I've been dealing with it for weeks and I am NOT a fan of stomach grossness).

I have had a few random pangs of cravings - not anything weird yet to make me think of all those random movie or tv scenes with women screaming and freaking out over the absolute necessity of hearts of palm and chocolate or pickles and nacho cheese. Mostly it's just that with the horrible nausea, I can only seem to find one thing that ever sounds good and it's usually pretty specific leaving everything else to sound wretched and vomit inspiring.

Other than that, my pregnancy has been uneventful really. I have discovered how easily things can exhaust me (the effort of washing my hair last night literally made me dizzy from exhaustion) and I have already gotten bad about shaving my legs on a regular basis...for which I apologize to both Corey and myself for, but it just takes sooo much effort.

In other news, Corey has been working his but off to figure out what we're going to do about finding a place to live etc. Meanwhile, I'm really just dreaming about having a place to live with a kitchen. How I miss having a freezer to put ice cream in dangit! And being able to actually cook. Dear Lord how much do I want a kitchen to cook in again...I'll finally be able to get the Good Eats cookbook that I've been wanting for a year and even more exciting: I'll be able to cook through it! It's going to be like Julie and Julia but better because it's Alton Brown. : ) -- It should be noted by the way, that that really says a lot about how much I love Alton Brown because...I mean, hey, it's Julia Child.

In any case, I am mostly just finding myself dreaming of being able to cook, having the chance to grow little plants in a window sill, all those things. I might be in the midst of panic attack mania with the pregnancy but I sure am excited about finally having a home with Corey - granted we'll be in rental world for a while yet, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather wait to get a house till we can get the right one for us.

Well that's the limit for now - at 3 am, it's time to quit typing and fully embrace my nightly routine of pregnancy insomnia....yay for staring at the wall in the dark. : )

News news news..

2010-06-07T21:33:00.000-04:00

So I have been awol for a little while but there have been a lot of things going on. The first big thing is that I moved up to Atlanta to be with Corey in mid-May. I have been really enjoying the new location and the weather up here (it's been really fun getting be with Corey all the time).

Another big thing that happened (co-incidentally, but not so co-incidentally, the day I moved up to Atlanta) Corey and I eloped. Next up - Corey and I are going to be having a baby. I'm due for sometime next Spring, but I haven't been to a doctor yet so I don't really have concrete specifics yet but it's exciting.

On the baby news, I am not going to know ahead of time what we're having (Corey will because he can't handle the suspense) but because of that we're going to do everything in green so it's a gender neutral kind of set up. We're talking about different names, and I've got morning sickness (nothing just morning about it though) and all the glories that go with that.

So it appears that this blog is going to change from a wedding planning deal to a pregnancy venting and newlywed blog. Welcome to the new age!

In other news, I'm planning a bridal shower for a friend of mine that is going to happen in mid-July. It's coming out beautifully and I'm sending out the invitations tomorrow!

Well I'm going to go and munch on a cracker or two - hope you have a lovely night dear Void, try not to let the shock of all my announcements freak you out too much.

Wrap up and Cuddle with Me.

2010-04-12T16:39:00.002-04:00

So I've known a few people who've gotten quilts as gifts when they get married or purchased one as a gift for themselves -- and I want one for Corey and I so badly! Today I spent a lot of time looking at pictures of different quilts to see what I like, and I thought I'd post some pictures so share what I'm looking at with that which is the open space of the blog universe. Enjoy.

Blues:

(This is a wedding band pattern - I love it and the color)

Greys:

Pinks and Reds:

(I do love the daisies...but I'd like it better with less pink)

(For having so much pink, I actually like this a lot)

(I love this quilt a lot...like a whole lot)

(Orange and autumn colors in general look so pretty to me)

I'd really love to have our quilt before the wedding so I could have a picture like this taken for the wedding, maybe have it be the rug/fabric that we stand on during the ceremony. That and I love this pattern.

Have a lovely Monday...

"Your smile is like the sun to me..."

2010-04-08T15:03:00.000-04:00

Not too much to say today, just wanted to post the birdcages that I found and will have at the wedding for cards and to also work as our 'Wishes Jar' for guests to put wishes and advice in before the ceremony.

Also, I found some dried flowers that I'm going to get for assorted decorations and some dried petals for Cait to toss down the aisle (we might have some on the aisle already as well..don't know for sure about that yet).

Oh, and I've been seriously considering the idea of having hay bales for seating at the ceremony -- anyone have thoughts on that?

Well that's all I've got for today - have a good Thursday.

Noticing my mini-obsessions...

2010-04-05T17:27:00.000-04:00

It amazes me that no matter how hard I try, I still only post a new blog once a month so far. I want to post more, though that just seems to never happen - though I once again will have the goal of posting more. This past month has been a busy one: getting used to working full time, helping my friend Lauren prepare for her wedding (which just took place this past Saturday, April 3rd) which ended up being absolutely beautiful, and working on my own.

Working on my wedding, I've gotten most things set up and prepared to order and I am beginning to start the process of crossing things off my list - because yes, I have reached the point of having a master to-do list now! Yay! After organizing everything, I was able to prune away some things that didn't really fit the feel I was going for as well as find somethings that seemed to go with a subconscious theme I've been developing. Some things that are recurring are ribbons, candles, books, and balloons. I've decided on my wedding band that I'll be getting soon, and I'm going to order the stamps to make my invitations and response cards in the next week or so (yippee!). Once I have a couple of those made I'll post pictures to show what they look like.

Another ribbon related thing I've decided to do is to incorporate an Irish handfasting ceremony into the wedding. The handfasting tradition is an incredibly old and classic part of Irish weddings that symbolizes the tying of the groom and bride's souls and lives together - it's actually where the phrase 'tying the knot' came from.

I've also decided to try and start collecting handkerchiefs to have available for guests to take and have as a kind of favor from the wedding - maybe I'll put our date in each of them after locating them from flea markets - but I'm unsure of whether I want to tamper with their looks.

Along with all of this, I've secured a DJ (a guy from work) and have begun the process of pearing down the track list that Corey and I have been compiling for over a year ("Oh this would be fun", "Oh that is a pretty song", "Oh we have to have this at the wedding!"). I'm still working on what I want to give to the bridesmaids for their gifts, but that doesn't have to be ready for a long time. I have however found a picture of the kind of feel I'm looking for with everyone's hairstyles. They look so romantic and beautiful..

I'm still doing a lot, but I've also made a lot of progress - which is usual for the passage of time with weddings I suppose. I have a little over 6 months left and I feel like I'll be well prepared and less stressed than the average bride though. Hope everyone had a lovely Easter. Happy Monday.

Lately...

2010-03-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

Hello dear Void,
Happy Monday. Lately I have been super busy- got a full time job as the secretary for KISS105.3 and have been loving finally having a reason to work all day everyday! The best part of this job is that I have a lot of free time at the desk so I've been doing a lot for the wedding - which is awesome. I'm getting paid to work on organizing my wedding in a way, haha. :)

New things that I've been working on finalizing: the wardrobe for the boys: black slacks with a button-up and ties that I've been looking at on Etsy; my wedding band choice (pictures below); the menu for the reception; designing a temporary tattoo to have the wedding party wear (and a second sister design for the guests); and little detail things for decorations.

The ties I've been looking at are awesome and I think will give the boys as much personality in their clothes as the girls will have in their freedom to pic their own dresses:

The wedding band choices have been narrowed to three options:

Plain and simple - I adore this ring for the fact that there is absolutely nothing on it.

I like this ring having some detail with also the message on the inside of whatever I want to put...

This is a little more punky and I really love the way it looks a lot....oh the decisions!!

The menu for the reception is shaping up to be pretty much a wide selection of finger foods (which is exactly what I wanted) with the main things being cocktail shrimp and bacon-wrapped grilled scallops, fruits, veggies, and hummus and flatbread. As far as drinks, we'll have a lemonade bar, sweet and unsweet tea and water. :) I am SO happy to have finally figured out the food!

Anywho - I'll leave you with pictures of other random details and hope you all have a lovely week.

Days passing...

2010-02-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

Well as of today, I have 247 days til the wedding. In one month, I'll be throwing a bachelorette party for my friend Lauren - I have most of it planned and I think it's going to come off really nicely. I've been doing a lot of looking for work lately and in my free time looking up more details for the wedding...new decisions I've made are little things on how I want the tables to look with candles, and just a lot of brainstorming.

I love this look of having the bottles be candle holders. I don't know that I'll spray paint mine, but its definitely a thought. - Either way, the look of it is just awesome to me.

I think the camera grab bag is kind of an awesome idea, making the whole disposable camera a little less cheesy looking - let alone these cameras would take actually good pictures. :) -- and I adore the temporary tattoo thing. It would be something awesome to have for the wedding party, if not the guests as well.

Oh and, I found these pictures that I love because they show things that I am looking to do. I'm still debating what shoes I want to wear (as well as what I want my girls to wear) but the options are the traditional heels - which are pretty and fun, but not me really and definitely not all that practical for an outdoor wedding - chucks - which would be keeping a promise from back in high school that I made with one of my bridesmaids - and doc martens - which may look better than chucks on me in a pouffy dress.

And just because I'm obsessed and can't get enough of it.....here's a picture of what my dress is going to look like after the alterations to shorten it and everything so you can get an idea of what shoes might look best with the dress...

I love this dress so much......it's just so unbelievably perfect. So on a closing note: enjoy a scrabble detail picture that I like -- I'm thinking scrabble pieces may have a part in the wedding but I'm not sure yet..

Have a lovely Tuesday everyone.

New Year, New Adventures

2010-01-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

I profusely apologize for my failure at life since I have not posted anything for a couple weeks, I sincerely wanted to narcissitically rant to the 'dear void' but the year has just been too busy and exhausting for me to get even the smallest chance to write. Today, however, is a beautiful day so I'm taking the chance to breathe and write.

I love this necklace.....so much...I really want to have it for the wedding.....yet another thing on my to do list to buy.

Since New Year's I have been busy working, with a wonderful break last weekend to celebrate my birthday with Corey. We went to the aquarium and Stone Mountain and spent a lot of time cuddling and playing video games (a nerdy pasttime that we both enjoy).

Towards the end of my visit I found out some news on my student loans - which enter repayment status in a month - and was finally able to know how much the payments were going to be. That knowledge, compounded with the economy and several other factors, have led me to decide to move up my going back to school to get a Masters. It will give me a couple more years to get more financially stable before having to begin the process of repayment, let me get through the wedding and Corey and I get a chance to settle. Also, having a Masters will allow me to get jobs as college professors (which is the goal for me in the first place) and in any case will provide me with about a 10k jump on the salary ladder over what I would be able to get teaching now. So now I am working to find a English Literature Masters program that is offered completely online - this way it won't matter when I get married and move elsewhere. This process is pretty intense with little preparation as well as trying to get all the paperwork together in somewhat short order, I have to meet all of the application requirements as well as apply for FAFSA (which thank God, my age allows me to qualify for now). All in all, its a pretty ridiculous time for me right now between this new path, working on my wedding as well as a couple friends' weddings, trying to find a good full time job, and if at all possible lose some weight for the wedding which is now exactly 9 months away as of today.

The happiest part of the last couple weeks has been, however, Corey and I finally deciding on what we are doing for our honeymoon. We found a cruise with Carnival that leaves from Tampa and over the course of 7 days goes to Grand Cayman, Isla Roatan, Belize, and finally stopping in Cozumel before going back to Tampa.

So now I shall return to the normal level of insanity - cross your fingers that I get into a program, this has been my dream to teach at college level for so long, to think that it could be a reality a full decade before I had thought it might (once Corey and I got serious plans for grad school were pushed back..) - it just makes me so happy to have the thought of being back in school and working toward what I really want again.

Sedaris and goodbyes...

2009-12-29T18:21:00.000-05:00

I leave Atlanta and Corey tomorrow and I can't believe it's really been almost a week that I've been here. Leaving him is always the worst feeling and it starts days before - I find myself counting down hours and days with a sense of dread and irritation. I have to fight to keep myself in the moment lest I come to reality to find all my time left has passed already. So this evening, I'm going to take a break and write for a bit while cuddling the love of my life.

We've spent time in Atlanta and surrounding areas shopping, walking - meandering as it were - and watching a decent amount of television seasons that Corey got as Christmas presents (a favored past time with us because it gives us the excuse to cuddle for extended periods of time and just enjoy being with each other). There is nothing I love more than just sitting on the couch watching TV with him or playing Trivial Pursuit (a game we both love that he has yet to beat me at) because it gives us the opportunity to actually feel some semblance of a normal relationship. Our Christmas was lovely, we bought an ornament celebrating our first Christmas together and watched Christmas movies all night on Christmas Eve and woke up at 7:30 to open presents and spend time together drinking eggnog and hot chocolate while listening to Christmas songs. On the 26th (our year anniversary of getting engaged), we went to Target and did a little fun thing that may become a Christmas tradition for us. We went and picked out stockings and then separated in the store for about an hour so that we could fill each others' stockings with little presents. It was a lot of fun and something that helped make Christmas more of a season than just a holiday. (This picture of us below is not from this trip but is from last year in NY in Central Park..it was one of my favorite days and this is my favorite picture from that day)

A new obsession we found this week was playing bookworm; actually it's new to me, old to Corey - but since I quickly beat his high score by 120,000 points he has spent the last couple days furiously trying (and ultimately failing) to reclaim his state of high score awesomeness. While he spends hours trying to do this, I've been enjoying my David Sedaris book and having a few giggles to myself. There's nothing better than Sedaris' writing honestly, he's poetic but witty in a way I've never seen with any other author. Yesterday while reading a part of the book in which he discusses hobos (a tangent from Halloween costumes of his youth) I found a passage that was wonderfully written: "Unlike someone who was evicted or lost his house in a fire, the hobo roughed it by choice. Being at liberty, unencumbered by bills and mortgages, better suited his drinking schedule, and so he found shelter wherever he could, never a bum, but something much less threatening, a figure of merriment, almost" (50).

With the year almost over, I'm not really spending too much time thinking of all the things that took place in 2009 so much as thinking of all the things I need to get done in 2010 and all the things that are going to happen. Corey and I both have our birthdays in January (as well as an acknowledgment to my friend, Amanda, who also has a birthday in January with us) and there is an engagement party to throw for my friends Zach and Jenna, then there's Valentine's Day, fast forward to April which holds Lauren and Daniel's wedding, Corey's friend Garrett in NY is getting married in May, then the usual summer whirlwind of birthday's with the family, and then there's only a couple months until my own wedding in October. Somehow, I have to work, pay bills, get my dress altered, set up all the crazy details of the wedding and somehow make it into one cohesive day. Fun times! It sounds insane, as I am sure it will be, but the truth is I'm more excited than I've been all year.

Now, after rambling about several different things that are virtually unrelated - I'm going to go have a nice last night with my love, enjoy your evenings ladies and gents. I leave you with a picture of our box o' presents from Corey's parents on Christmas...

Christmas, it's Christmas..

2009-12-21T00:37:00.000-05:00

Well, it's officially the 21st of December, presents have been bought, Christmas cards mailed; everything is done except for going to Atlanta to be with Corey - and that can't get here soon enough. I feel like I'm being deprived of part of my winter by it being so warm and there being no snow (which up until last year, I'll admit, was the status quo) so I'm looking forward to the obscenely cold days and nights of Atlanta, and hopefully a little trip into the mountains to see some snow (*crosses fingers*).

I have been feeling very lovey dovey the last few days and because of it, and because I can't really conclusively decide on what I really want to write tonight, I'm going to post some of the letters/emails Corey and I have sent to each other over the course of our relationship - this happens pretty frequently since our communication rests solely on phone conversations and letters 95% of the time (damn long distance..).

"...i love you, and i have faith in you - in us. i know we can make it through this. and i wont give up on us. i need to try to go to sleep but i want you to wake up and read this and know how much i love you and need you. you fulfill every need, want, and dream i could ever have. i look up at the stars tonight to watch the meteors crashing toward earth and can only think of how amazing it is that while im watching such a beautiful phenomenon that you're the thought that keeps me warm inside. i love you.." - me to Corey

"I agree that the last few weeks have been especially trying for us. I can't seem to shake this lonely feeling when you aren't around. I feel your absence every where i go, and constantly wish you were by my side. I have had a lot of time recently to think about my/our/your future and where exactly we are headed vs where we want to be. [...] You are everything to me that nobody else has proved themselves to be. My heart beats truly and deeply for you, without your love i would surely perish. I want you to be my wife, my confidant, my lover, my children;s mother, and my best friend. I can never live without you and would surely take any pain or suffering just to be with you. I can never love anybody as much as I lvoe you. In this moment I give to you my heart, my soul, my love, and my life. I am always, forever, and eternally yours. I am quickly realizing how much my heart hurts when you are not around and it makes me only want to propose to you sooner, and start our life together. I cannot take being separated from you, my love, for any extended period of time. Please have faith that as soon as I can, we shall be togher forever. I love you more than any man has loved before, I love you more than all the stars up in the sky, I think that we should settle down and live happily forever, after, what do you think of that?" - Corey to me

"I miss you more than you could ever know. I wish I could find a better way to explain to you how much my feelings for you consume my every thought. Every moment of every day that I'm not with you is excruciating and I find myself constantly thinking about you; when I will see you next, what you are doing at that moment, when i will talk to you next, looking at my ring and thinking of marrying you and longing for that to happen...I talk to friends who are married and find myself insanely envious of their lives spent with a spouse laying next to them every night. I am desperately trying to find a way to you as soon as possible for as long as possible, but I am at a point where I don't have many options anymore. To that end, I spend every spare moment praying for us to be together and in the mean time try to be as optimistic as possible and distract myself with meaningless projects when I can. I hope so much more than words can formulate that you find a job in Orlando, however I don't want you to deny yourself a chance at a better job if you need to move elsewhere. I love you and because of that am willing to make the sacrifice if I need to. I will wait as long as it takes and you have no need to spend your time fearing that you'll lose me. I am yours, forever and always. There is nothing that could ever or will ever change that. I love you more than anything, darling. I want to marry you and have a family and a life with you, I want my life story to always involve you and show the love I feel for you. I cannot help but anxiously wait for the day when we can finally spend the rest of our lives together in the same house, in the same bed. --- I love you, Baby. Eternally." - me to Corey

"I just wanted to stop for a second and try to tell you how much you mean to me. While words will never do the love I feel for you justice, an attempt is always nice. I love you more than life itself, than anything I have ever done, wanted to do, or will do. I cannot begin to fathom how deeply we are entrenched together, our souls always dancing. I sit here and think to myself how bleak an existence I was living (that I could still be living) until you stepped into my life, and saved me from an assured self destruction. And while I know that things aren't as easy as we would like them to be right now, I know that our married life will shine our love into the friends and family around us, standing testament to our commitment to each other. You have made me realize what love really is. I always though love was finding perfection to your own standards, and now I realize that love operates beyond that. Love is accepting someone's faults as well as what makes them beautiful, and you stand together in thick and thin. And while I may not be the best on the phone, or calling back, I dont want you to believe for one second that I dont care or that Im too busy for you. As long as there is a breath left in my body, I will always strive to be close to you, in whatever way I can. I love you eternally, deeper than any depth conceivable by the human mind or heart. I miss you terrible and wish you were here. I love you always." - Corey to me

I love reading our old letters/emails...it always makes me feel like I'm living in my own version of a fantastic chick flick or something.

This week is going to be long at the beginning but soon enough I'll be driving to Atlanta to see my love, and then we'll spend our first Christmas together and the following day is our 1 year anniversary of getting engaged so that will be a fun little romantic day as well I'm sure. In any case, I need to sleep so hope you enjoy the letters of a long distance couple, maybe it shows part of how hard it is for us sometimes, maybe it shows how much we really love each other...either way, it's there. Merry Christmas, everyone!

A Wedding in the Making

2009-12-15T15:46:00.000-05:00

My wedding is going to be October 23rd, 2010 so as of today I have 312 days to go. That seems like such a long time, and yet it feels like there's not nearly enough time left to get everything done that needs to be done. I've been in the brainstorming and planning stage for a long time, I regularly paruse wedding blogs and save pictures of things I like and plan to use in our wedding and have finally had some progress with the location and size of the wedding. The only thing about so many thoughts and hours of research is the seemingly simple and realistically insurmountable process of turning scattered ideas into a cohesive feel and plan.

Starting with the most basic: we're going to have the wedding and the reception at my grandmother's house in Archer outside, so it will be somewhat country though my style leans more toward the eclectic romantic side than country. We're going to have the ceremony just before sunset so that the reception will be at twilight and after, letting me have romantic lighting from twinkle lights, candles and lanterns. As far as the size, the wedding will have probably in the range of 150 people, consisting of immediate family and close friends to share the day with us.

Some pictures to show my taste and thoughts:

The wedding will be somewhat untradtional while still seeming romantic and classic. Cupcakes will be the replacement of an expensive and generally only half-eaten wedding cake. The bridesmaids are not wearing matching dresses but are instead free to pick their own dress within the color family of black,grey, silver, and ice blue (Brittany, my sister and maid of honor is wearing a dress that is a dark purple). Several of the girls and myself have tattoos that are visible so I will be somewhat encouraging their visibility because I find them beautiful and think they make for amazing non-conformist caviats to a wedding album. I haven't decided on what the girls will be carrying: flowers, balloons, parasols, or I've also considered a mason jar with flowers in it - though there is time to still mull over what will end up happening. My dress is a very simple and classic strapless dress with which I am planning on wearing a birdcage veil and my two flower girls and my ringbear (also a little girl) will all be wearing tutu dresses with cute little shirts. 'All you need is love' is going to be a side theme/phrase because it is my favorite song and fits in with what I would like to show as the feeling for our wedding day. Along with lanterns, candles, and twinkle lights there will be homemade garland, twine, and different decorations hanging from the tree branches to bring the nature of outside and the wedding decorations together.

Each table (or section of the table, as there has been consideration of having only one or two long tables instead of 10 or 15 circular tables) will have a 12" x 12" square of a heavy weight paper with pens and sharpies for guests to write messages, doodle, and sign in lieu of having the traditional guestbook. Each of these squares will later be matted and framed in one large frame together so that the guests' messages will turn into a large work of art for Corey and I's apartments or homes through life.

So while I still feel as though I have a long way to go to make all of this a cohesive wedding, I can at the same time see how much progress I've made toward what I do and don't want. Every day brings new realizations and ideas leaving me sometimes serene and feeling prepared and other times as though I have so much to do that it will never be finished. At this point all I am sure of is that if nothing else: at the end of the day on October 23rd, I will be married to the love of my life and friends and family will be there to celebrate with me - no matter what the decorations do or don't look like.

An explanation and a beginning..

2009-12-14T01:42:00.001-05:00

So somehow I am finding myself awake at 1:30 in the morning feeling the need to follow the path of some friends a create a blog. Now, what should I write in such a blog since my life consists of very few items of interest: work, sleep, the ever changing book, and my finance, Corey, as well as the occasional spattering of friends and family. Oh, and there is this little item of planning my wedding that is going to take place on October 23rd of 2010 (for those of you who prefer your dates to be sans words: 10.23.10).

Anywho, there's an explanation of what I will probably be rambling about whenever I write on here (which hopefully will be fairly often, because I do find it irksome when people start blogs and only write in them for the first two weeks before completely forgetting their existence). Now for an explanation of the title of the blog, because it is somewhat random to the outsider and because let's be honest, anyone who has a blog is at base probably at least a little bit narcissistic and wants to see their own words in print somehow.

The title of the blog references the tattoos that Corey and I have been planning for some time to represent our feelings about our relationship and relationships in general (note: these are not tattoos for each other specifically so much as the relationship that we have between us). I have been planning on getting a tattoo that I've designed that is a picture of a rocket (modeled after the US Saturn V) with the words 'i'll wait for you' underneath. As a homage to the original episode, on the rocket I have put the original air date as well: 01.10.64. I chose the rocket as a reference to a twilight zone episode which I have always loved (yes, the one that they mention in Gilmore Girls...) that is about a man and woman who fall in love and are willing to make huge sacrifices for each other and their impending happiness together. This design signifies my feelings not only for Corey and how our relationship has always been (since we have been in a long distance relationship for the entire two and a half years - and the 4 months prior to becoming officially together). The rocket also explains how I have always thought a true relationship should be: worth any amount of time to wait and any sacrifice. This is a picture of the Saturn V to give you an idea of what my design looks like:

Next, the sword and shield in the title is for Corey's plans and design of a tattoo which will be a shield with a sword behind it, the shield's face having both a Claddagh symbol (what our wedding bands are going to be) and a Celtic knot for eternity. The sword and shield part is a reference to a Sister Hazel song of the same title and the Irish references have to do with Corey's heritage (he's a full-blooded Irishmen, hip hip!). Here's a video to let you listen to the Sister Hazel song if your heart so desires (I really love it..)

So there we are with the explanation of the blog title...

And thereby, ladies and gentlemen, we have a beginning. : ) Hope you have a lovely evening and/or day respectively.